everythings.

ten grains?
i dunno.
i think even if you decide that you've got ten things,
that doesn't make them grains, y'feel me?
that's just a thing.
so,
when i got a bag of chunky crunchy 10-grain whatever,
i read the label,
and i got a little confused by just what in the F* our buddy bob,
y'know, from the red mill, considers a grain to be.
look,
it's listed as follows:
wheat, rye, triticale, millet, oats, brown rice, barley, corn,
soy beans, oat bran, and flaxseeds.
ummmmm.
anybody?
oats twice, and soy beans equals ten grains?
ok.
i wasn't aware of the exchange rate.
now that i do, though,
i ground up a cup and a half of that new math in a spice grinder,
and turned those nubs into flour.
i also, took a half a cup of the raw crawnch,
and mixed it with 3/4 cup of unsweetened applesauce and a tablespoon of vanilla,
and a quarter cup of molasses, and let that soak a minute or five,
while i creamed some butterish and sugars into a spreadably soft mush.
y'gotta mash it up, if you want the blend to be the burly barbarian big action, bro.
guys,
once i added some unsweetened shredded coconut flakes,
and cacao nibs, and thick-cut rolled oats, and chocolate chips,
i had a behemoth of berserker batter blops on my hands.
how many grains is that?
i mean,
if we're just counting oats plus something else,
i added more oats,
so are we at 11?
thirteen?
i lost count at cacao nibs, kids.
what to do, what to do?
oh.
yeah.
i doo-doo that blarpity cookie-monster sh!t pretty well after all the practice i've had.
ha!
check the teleport:

too much is the right amount!
chocolate drizzle?
yeah.
why not add a little more to an already supersaturated batch of sweets?
word.
three kinds of sugar,
a strange blend of chips and chunks,
just enough grit to be toothsome but tolerably sandy,
and a whole lot of fattie-boombattie buttery crispness to the edges.
once in a while,.
i get carried away, and it still sorta works out.
could it be that i'm drinking real coffee, so my good decisions are fewer and farther apart?
oh, yes, that certainly could be the case,
because these real real caffeine jauns have got me motorboatin', motormouthin',
and maybe even motorheadin', sans lemmy, of course,
into a wild and crazy razin' race against good sense and good food.
i keep sippin',
and i keep tossin' in ingredients,
and with both actions, my  fingers are crossed for good luck,
and my fingers are crossed because i can't be serious,
and my heart is cross.
huh?
no.
not crossed,
just angry with me for all the exxxtra stimulation.
ouch.
i'm not equipped to deal with the increase in vascular viking viciousness
that's coursing coarsely through my carotid, kids.
maybe i'll explode,
or maybe i'll just expand across my midsection from all these cookies....
or,
maybe both, in sequence are fated to befall my big fat face.
i guess we'll find out soon enough-
the future is unfurling it's sails,
and heading north with the rest of us;
never quiet, never soft.....