do you like brownies?
in fact, i don't just like 'em,
i LIIIIKE 'em like 'em.
when i got a special request for a little brownie activation,
i did a new thing,
to keep my love of brownies interesting,
and to make sure the spark stays electric when i bite into those b!tches.
oh, no big deal,
i just made the brownies in a tart pan, instead of in a rectangle.
a little change of position can make all the difference in the whole wide world.
check the teleport:
that's so pretty.
it tastes like a brownie,
and it looks like a chocolate kaleidoscope of deep, rich, thick, expert hottness.
....and that's because that's exactly what it is, kids.
chocolate chocolate cocoa mix, stirred into the soymilk, heated up,
and full of melted butterish,
plus cocoa and brown sugar and vanilla, and salt,
only, when i had to bulk this baby up,
i included no wheat at all.
not one wheat berry was gristmilled into meal to make this magic happen.
i went gluten free for this one,
and you'd never know i'd made the switch.
chocolate is pretty forgiving, and it's also very overpowering.
sorry white rice flour and oatmeal,
but you taste just like regular brownies when the chocolate quotient is high enough.
and i never leave well enough alone,
so of course i HAD to drizzle those latticed ganache stripes on it,
then it looked so lonesome, like a prison grate or something.
so i whipped up a chocolate & cocoa frosting to fill out the frills on that fluted ridge,
and that still didn't look like enough.
i mean, when is it ever enough?
too much is the right amount,
and in order to take it to my customary level eleven,
i had to shave up some chocolate bar sprankles, too.
it's F*ing delicious.
and it's got so much chocolate everywhere.
that's my personal favorite part.
i like the good looks, guys.
maybe it's just an overcompensation for my great personality,
and my nice eyes?
you know what that means, don'tcha?
it means you're busted in the facepiece.
MY facepiece has got chocolate and crumbs all over it,
so judge away,
but i bet i won't hear you over all the chewing i'm doing.
fancy treats in my mouth sweeten the sh!t i'm talkin' all dang day.
i've got a lot of work to do,
and limited time to do it in-
i'm hoping a steady charge of chocolate will remedy that with a brown-boosted
burly barbarian berserker cocoa-loco sugar rush-and-attack jack-up,
and before the day is done,
i'll have met or exceeded expectation,
and also activated all the elements of expertism.
let's hope this brownie has what it takes to take me there;
never quiet, never soft.....