presents past.

i love berfdays.
i do.
i used to hate mine, a lot,
but only because i'm such an overachiever on the berfy days.
y'know?
however,
when the mad-scientific laboratory test kitchen launchpad
of the fortunate and flavorful Folk Life & Liberty Fortress
has ribbons and streamers and banners an' sh!t?
and there's stacks on stacks on stacks of presents all wrappy-snappy
and color-match metallic-foiled, with bows and bags,
i'll be honest, (as always)
i start feeling a little spoiled.
ampy-d hooked it up properly.
that's no joke.
check the phase-one-type teleport:

niiiiice.
i'm reppin' fresh scents,
and sweet sentiments in envelopes.
awwwww.
you know i got new clothes, too;
and not the emperor kind, either.
these jauns are visible,
and very form flattering.
so i'm looking snappy in a few fresh outfits,
and i'm staying warm with new winter-weatherproof underlayer hottness, too.
plus,
i got a molto sexxy molto fresh parka, in olive green,
and it looks like the earth version of some han solo hoth sh!t.
that's expert.
then pancakes happened in my mouth,
and then,
a whole other 'nother batch of wrappy rock-n-roll exploded in my face!
check the phase-two-type teleport:

c'mon.
candy, and kitchen gadgetry and gozmos, y'all.
i love that stuff.
plus,
i got a big crockpot.
yup.
the largest and in-chargest one.
so you know they'll be some serious slow-cookin' all-day dopeness
stewing and simmering into succulent success throughout the immediate future.
that's how it's done correctly.
well-presented,
situationally appropriate,
custom-tailored,
and with TWO cards.
rules is rules,
and too much is the right amount.
if you aren't about it,
go away.
ha.
*
i'd hate for you to think it's ALL great moments, neighbors.
so,
here's a little flashback to when i was the worst one ever:

jeeeeeeeeesus.
fat and hairy,
with so many more follicles, and so few of them grey,
whilst my middle mas more massive,
and somehow still less masculine,
without the added degree of difficulty presented by a cantaloupe colored button-down.
ugh.
ten years gone,
to when i was steady holding it down with one of my very best friends,
mr. dan dealy,
and in those days, he was just a wee little lad.
we're both older and wiser,
and one or two of us got better looking, too.
word up.
* 
true stories.
that's what i've got.
it's called real life documentarianism,
and it's what i do.
some good, most not so much,
and food, mostly good,
with a few failures mixed in so you know it's not a joke.
it's ALL really happening,
and i'll tell you one more true thing-
it isn't any of it any kind of easy,
but that's what makes it so interesting;
never quiet, never soft.....