Sunday, January 21


i just put all the things in a bowl.
all the little bits that i want to eat- 
tossed up, and activated with a little melted butter,
and baked into a sort of cookie.
i'm talking about some bar-bottoms, man.
for bars.
fudge-topped jauns, with all the flavors using teamwork to make the dream work.
i like oats, i like peanut butter, i like coconut-
so what's the worst thing that could happen if you mixed them all up?
there is no worst thing,
because all those things are expert, together or separately.
in fact, 
only good things get invited to the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress test kitchen laboratory.
check the teleport:
that vegan white chocolate is the business,
but when you add powdered freeze-dried bloobs to it?
it's luscious in a definite defiantly deviant decadence kind of way.
that's no joke.
here's the step-by-step, 
so that we can all share in the glory of this baked, melted, chilled championship treat.
preheat your oven to 350℉
in a medium-sized mixin' bowl, whisk together:
2/3 cup quick oatmeal;
2/3 cup oat flour;
1/4 cup medium flake unsweetened coconut;
1/2 cup sugar;
dash of salt;
while using a rubber spatula to thoroughly blend everything, add:
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup smooth natural peanut butter;
1/4 cup melted vegan butter (or coconut oil, but only use 3 T of that)
make sure it's slightly sticky, sort of gritty, but not too crOmbly, 
and press it evenly into a greased 9x9 square pan, 
where it needs some ovenly attention for eleven minutes.
seriously, what we just did is the hardest part of the whole thing.
next, in a small sauce pan, and NOT a microwave (i'm just so super not into those)
melt a cup of vegan white chocolate, with 4 T powdered sugar, and 2 T non-dairy milk,
and 1 tsp vanilla until smooth...
i stirred in 3 T of macaroon-fine unsweetened coconut, too,
because i like to overdo everything i do, man.
too much is the right amount.
and anyway, MORE is better than average, definitively.
now spread that chocobianco on the cooled oat cookie square.
in the same pot you just used,
combine another 'nother handful of white choco chips,
and a splash of vanilla, and a freshly powdered tablespoon of freeze-dried blueberries,
a.k.a purple faerie dust.
that sh!t is the TRUTH.
the drizzlies of that are what make this already elite treat 
into a triumphant victory march over the skulls of our enemies 
while their elders cry and wring their hands.
y'feel me?
these are so delicious, it's like winning a war.
try them, and you'll see what conquering generals experience all the time.
um, right.
maybe that's a a little teeny tiny baby bit extreme, 
maybe it's the most accurate description you'll ever read in your life.
make 'em and see for yourself.
well, i mean, rules is rules,
so OBviously there's gonna be sprankles on top. 
don't be dumb.
these are really flippin' good.
they're unlikely to be counted among the healthiest treats i've ever created,
but they are no doubt one of the most satisfying.
real talk.
someday, i may find some sort of permanent balance between good and good for you,
but for now,
i'm happy to climb aboard the blueberry white chocolate bus,
and drive my face to flavoropolis.
believe it.
the good had better outweigh the bad.
otherwise, stop doing what you're doing, because you're not doing it correctly.
that's simple to say,
but borderline brutality in practice.
seriously, though-
good is good, and bad is everything else.
that means that there's a clear line,
albeit a subjective one, 
and relative to each of our custom-tailored individual standards and tolerances,
that defines good versus bad.
so when the bad is the worst, and the best is just ok?
be honest with yourself, toughen up, take a deep breath and make some big decisions, man.
it's all part of that P.M.A., kids.
positivity sometimes means doing hard things with a heavy heart.
crazy, right?
i know!
making positive changes can feel bad at first.
and that's not as oxymoronic as it seems, either.
giving up the easy way is tough.
but, if we consider that the easy way brokers no evolution, 
and garners no increase in quality, nor quantity, of our own true story,
so that it becomes a pretty unremarkable tale with an ordinary and forgettable main character-
that kind of easy sounds pretty hard to me.
the harder way, every day, is the whole point.
because every day you get a bit better, so you can bear a bigger burden,
and get even stronger, for longer,
until those little doo-doo buttery details that'll derail the beer-and-buffalo banality of 
regular-A* easy-doers are like spiderwebs in the path of juggernauts, man.
it's what i've been saying all along-
just be dope of F* right off.
it's all boils down to deciding to be a heart-pumping closed-circuit conduit, 
powered by the pressurized and concentrated distillate of dopeness 
exhaling the evaporated vapid vacillations of F*-offery out into the aether,
so only the loudest, freshest, and hardest remains to oxygenate the furnaces.
i don't know about you,
but that sounds pretty F*ing expert to me;
never quiet, never soft.....

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