Monday, January 15


it'd been waaay too long,
and the urge was waaaay too strong,
and if loving chick peas is wrong,
then you know i'm going left af because i don't wanna be right, dudes.
that's word.
now, what's good?
three syllables:
damned straight.
homemade from-scratch all-natural good-good hottness for your face,
fried up and folded snug in a set of sexxxy soft flatbreads.
falafel is in the top three best ones.
i almost can't believe i haven't made any myself in such a long span of time.
but it's here,
and it's hot,
and it's spicy,
and it's expert,
and sometimes, that's all you need.
check the teleport:

so good.
i started the actual falafel ball batter before work.
i wanted to make sure it was firm, and set, and ready for suppertime.
you want the recipe?
you got it:
in a food processor (you wanna do it by hand? here's my advice: don't!)
1/4 cup chick pea flour;
2 T a.p. flour;
1 1/2 tsp ea Garlic Powder and Onion Powder;
2 large cloves garlic;
1/4 cup shallot;
a loose scoop of parsley;
a loose scoop of cilantro;
1 T crushed red pepper flakes;
2 T lemon juice;
3 T olive oil;
1 15 oz can chick peas;
cumin, coriander seed, thyme, and sumac to taste;
salt and pepper;
1 T egg replacer;
1 T sesame seeds;
1 T ground flax/chia meal...
pulverize all of that into a coarse paste,
and pack it away for the day so it can all bind and bond and adhere to itself,
to be rolled into balls, and fried, without falling apart later on.
we made mega-marble-sized jauns, and ended up with over sixty of em.
that's tight,
because MORE balls is what everybody wants, right?
the oil was HOT.
how many degrees?
man, i'm not a thermometer....let's just say there were a LOT of 'em.
and those little jammie-jams got crispy as hell and stayed soft in the centers,
and had 111% of the desired flavor.
basically, they brought the A-game to our mouthpieces,
and for that, we devoured them.
while the balls are the star, they wouldn't be sh!t without the supporting cast,
and that's no joke.
those pan-fried flatbreads?
they ARE what's happenin', bro.
here's the recipe:

in a medium mixing bowl, sift together:
2 cups a.p. flour;
1 tsp salt;
2 T sesame seeds;
1 T baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
3 T vegan sour cream;
3 T olive oil;
1/2 cup warm water.
knead it up, adjust your flour if necessary, knead it some more,
form it into a ball, and rest it.
while you're at it, heat up a large skillet over high flames or electric whatevers,
until it's HOT.
on a floured surface, cut your dough into 6-8 pieces,
depending on your preferred size vs quantity ratio of falafel sandwiches,
and roll each piece out into a thin circle,
and let it puff up in that skillet, with just one flip after a few minutes,
and then an equal little toastin' on the other side.
y'boi nate handled that for me while i prepped all our fixin's.
now, we have balls, and we have bread, so now all that's left to discuss
are all the accessories that turn it up to eleven.
there's the salad-
that's a cup of chopped curly parsley;
a cup of chopped cilantro;
a punch of thin-shaved scallion (green onion);
a handful of ribboned radicchio;
salt, and lemon juice.
it's perfect.
we've got pepperoncinis. (aka those peppaseenuses)
and pickled jalapenos.
and pickles.
plus a heavy schmear of hummus.
but, also, there're paper-thin red onion rings,
and tiny slices of tiny sweet grape tomatoes,.
yeah, neighbors, we rep ALLL the exxxtras.
i mean, you know us:
too much is the right amount.
and there's sriracha for that slow heat,
and tahini to smootherize the whole damned shootin' match-
i use a lot of GPOP, and almost all lemon juice,
with only a little teeny tiny splash of warm water
to stir up my most excellent tahini sauce.
for realsies-
sesame paste is already so flavorful;
but it's even MORE magical with powerfully flavorful activators.
i need that, so i do that, and we have than, and it's SO good.
and really just because rules is rules,
we freaked 'em off with those sumac sprankles!
check it:

how F*ing turned-up and turned on are those falafels?!?!
and with exxxtra lemon,
and exxtra 'roncinis,
AND a few spears of nate's custom lacto-fermented dill picky-picks???
we are basically superheroes of food,
and we're saving the day in great big bites.
everything about dinner was amazing
so why'd it take months to get back in the good graces of the gonzo garbanzo gods?
i think it's the hot oil that makes me hesitate.
oh. no, not for any health reasons, or for fear of fire or burns-
that's not me, man.
i just hate the airborne fatty-boombatty splats of liquid lipids
sticking to everything in my kitchen,
and then just hanging out all used and gross in a pot until i figure out how to get rid of it.
i don't like that.
i guess i might just have to fry up some battered cauliflower hot wings,
or somethin' similarly styled for tonight's suppertime 'spolsions.
waste not, want not, use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without.....
it's a trite vermont saying that applies to very few things in my life-
but vegetable oil is on the short list, for sure.
don't be an A*-hole, and don't do A*-hole things.
no joke, i tell myself that every single morning.
and i listen to myself.
and, most importantly,
i adjust, and edit, and amend my behavior,
in order to unearth and excavate my deepest, dopest rare-earth self
from under the trash-heap of humanity it's encased in.
i'm nothin' special,
but i sure do want to be.
i span my time applying one overarching principle to every frickin' day-
just be dope, or F* right off.
i say that often, but it never ever doesn't apply.
you want that P.M.A.?
you can have that P.M.A.,
but you've gotta adhere to the plan,
and the plan we're working is super simple-
be dope, dudes.
or else you've gotta F* off.
and F*ing off isn't actually an option,
because it's all really happening all around us,
and nobody gets to control the universe.
we're the only ones in charge of how we act and react
to the unfolding secret universal blueprints
as they present obstacles and opportunities.
so act like you're not an A*-hole, and you won't be one.
it's actually that simple,
and it goes for you, me, and everyone we know.
i know what i'm dong today,
even if i don't have any idea what i'm doing today;
never quiet, never soft.....

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