Thursday, January 18


y'ever have one of those mornings where it's basically still yesterday,
as far as your body is concerned?
for the quantity and/or quality of sleep you've gotten,
you may as well still be just living out one long day?
it gets a little blurry around the edges,
and that calls for focus, friends.
i mean,
we can't just hazily phase in and out of wakefulness,
eschew restful slumber away in favor of attentive attrition and exhaustion,
fixate on the nagging needling knife-edged nihilism 
instead of diving deep into the deliverance of decipherable dreamland, 
and then be expected to be our best selves for the rest of the day...
the call is for focus,
and you already know how i center myself, don't you?
i bake the treats that bring it all together.
i do.
creating calls for increasing one's capacity to adapt and invent, man.
and it's hard not to perk up when that's the point of the exercise.
i'm serious.
no matter how groggy and foggy and temporal fugue'd up i get,
cake is there to lift me up.
and lately, 
i've been kinda skimping and skipping out on cakes.
i have.
but my desire NOT to be a great big bellied battle barrel
has been bested by the immediacy of gathering up my wits and sh!ts,
and perking my little brainy-brain back to red-alertness!
what i mean is:
welcome back, cake!
check the teleport:
this jauns is good for your soul.
and your mouth and whatever, too.
you want some?
come on by the AMPERSAND TATTOO studio, 
and you can have some.
oh, ok.
in that case,
here's the recipe, so you can still have some, 
without having to leave the comfort of your own home:
preheat your oven to 365℉
in a medium mixing bowl, as always, cream up:
1 stick (8T) vegan earth balance butter;
1 cup plain vegan sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla.
when that's completely blended, add:
1 cup non-dairy sour cream;
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
1 tsp each baking powder and soda;
1 tsp lemon zest;
1 cup non-dairy milk.
spatula flips and flops should blend that completely, but not too aggressively
if you're lookin' to get that real authentic grandma crumb.
spread it into a 9" greased springform pan,
and get yourself some corn-syrup-free raspberry jam.
that's the stuff.
i scooped out half a jar's worth on top, in sloppy blops, evenly spaced out from the center.
it wasn't pretty, but they were destined to get covered by the crumble topping anway.
i hope you didn't wash your cake bowl already,
because you can use it to make the streusel, bro.
cut in and crush up:
3-4 T vegan butter;
1/2 cup quick oats;
1/4 cup oat flour;
pinch of salt;
1/4 cup finely-ground coconut flakes;
1/3 cup powdered sugar;
lemon zest.
cut it until it's all clumped up, and spread it all around that ring of cakey batter.
bake it all for 45ish minutes, or until a tester comes out clean from the center.
at this point, while it was still warm, and the top was still pliable,
i tucked in a handful of dried raspberries amongst the crOmbleblumps.
i think that was an expert move.
there's no way i was going to let myself start slipping, man.
and the best part?
i remained alert for the rest of the day.
i attribute it at least 50% to bakey cake makery,
and maybe the other 50% to obsessive overanalysis of events in my immediate world.
the cake, at least, left a great taste in my mouth.
i will admit to being less-than-capable at diplomacy.
it's true.
i'm not very interested in compromises,
and i'm definitely not a fan of promises, either.
you're all always going to lose with either of those options.
not very diplomatic.
what you want and what you need and what you're willing to accept 
are NOT always interchangeable.
what matters more?
i'd argue that acceptance is the determining factor for setting value. 
if you need X, but you want Y, yet you'll take Z....???
well, then Z is the currency you're trading in.
and the exchange rate is likely going to be prohibitive when considering wants and needs.
does that make sense?
X is the median value;
but, only when regarded relative to the extremes- 
Y being ideal, Z being undesirable.
now, what are you willing to accept?
and what is the cost in the interim?
if you settle for Z, you're not even getting what you need,
and you're that much farther away from what you want.
if you fill the necessity with X, 
can you ever really be happy knowing Y is out there, 
just out of reach, but specifically because of an unwillingness or incapacity to grasp it?
that sort of awareness keeps me up at night,
and i have a feeling that there's likely to be a whole lot more cake needed 
in order to quell the morning's disquiet and motionlessness sickness.
maybe that's the point?
to push the production up to towards grabbing for X,
nailing it,
and then taking it to XI.
that's that P.M.A. at play at least for today;
never quiet, never soft.....

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