Saturday, February 10


lentil soup is what you need in your face right now!
i sure do love to slurp and sip and sup on some superior soup.
that's no joke.
i go hard with my soup game, too.
i mean,
i sorta have to-
otherwise it's just veggies taking a hot bath for a long time,
and that can be some insipid and tepid weak sauce,
especially when it's made without the right attitude.
do you even know what i'm sayin'?
ok, hold on-
i'm sayin': too much is the right amount.
and THAT'S how you make soup into something expert, man.
lentil soup is great.
especially if you use more than one kind of lentil.
MORE is better, bro.
i had some snowy-and-cold-outside-but-hot-af-inside-style goodness;
and even better, i whipped it up in no time flat.
check out what i made:

holy sh!t, a good soup is surely something to celebrate.
this one has some big body to it,
and that's a good thing when you're shivering form snow shoveling.
there's that toast for dippin', and that's F*ing great news.
for realsies-
good bread makes better people,
and from-scratch fresh-baked burly bread only elevates, activates,
and upgrades a hearty bowl of hottness.
do you see those sweet potato hunks?
they're delicious.
how about those blackened sweet baby tomatoes?
also delicious.
c'mon, man- you get it by now-
MORE textures, flavors, and colors is forever the better choice.
parsley and scallion sprankles make sure we adhere to the plan.
rules is rules, buddy, and little spritzies like that are mandatory.
okay, kids,
that's all there is to prettifying the surface-
but what about the whole potful of simmered sustenance?
oh, don't fret.
i'm gonna hit you with the play-by-play right about now-
do you have a big pot?
go get it,
and add 4 tablespoons of olive oil to it,
and set it up on high heat.
next, mince a sweet onion, and toss it in there;
add an orange carrot and a yellow carrot, for exxxtra prettiness, each bias cut and halved;
a cup and a half of chopped cabbage, tossed in, and tossed around to char a bit in the oil;
let those brown a little, then add:
2 stalks diced celery;
2 cloves sliced garlic;
shake it up, and saute it all for five more minutes,
then add:
3 T red wine vinegar;
1 1/2 tsp ea. thyme, sage, dried parsley;
1 tsp ground mustard;
1/2 tsp crushed rosemary;
1 T ea GPOP (1 T both Garlic and Onion Powders) and 1 T crushed red pepper flakes;
a punch of nootch;
33 full craxxx of black pepper,
1/2 tsp pink salt;
1/4 chopped skin-on sweet potato.
turn the heat down to medium, and let that all steam and sizzle,
then stir in:
1/2 cup red lentils, and saute for five minutes,
then pour in:
1 15oz can rinsed drained green lentils, or 1 cup uncooked green lentils;
2 cups crushed tomatoes;
8 cups water;
2 tsp better-than-bouillon soup base;
2 T soy sauce;
4 shakes of liquid smoke.
bring it back up to a boil, turn the heat down to low,
and go F* off somewhere else for a bit.
you'll know when it's ready when your whole house smells incredible,
or if you used dry jauns? when they're soft, obvi.
could that be simpler?
but would it be as good?
guys, i really well and truly love a big, fancy, complete pot of one-shot nutrition.
and that's exxxactly what this is.
the bread, freshly-baked in the morning and toasted up in the evening
was just what this meal called for.
and the call was answered by some dense oatmeal sourdough.
i'm a fan of homemade goodness, which, by now, if you've been reading along,
you'll have had hammered against your head over and over.
i repeat myself.
that's sort of my thing.
i'll be repeating this meal, to some extent, again, as well.
never-the-same-way-twice-soup is how you're supposed to do it.
in fact,
if you followed this to the letter, i'd almost be disappointed in you.
on the ones,
y'all should know by now that i'm not the authority on how to do anything.
i do a lot of everything,
but i'm basically making it up as i go.
and if i can do that, anybody can do that.
i'm not special, i'm just determined not to eat ugly food.
that's a subclause in my mission statement.
just be dope, or F* right off.
that's the simplest format.
try hard, (then try even harder);
pay attention, (then look even closer to the details);
and know stuff, (because it's all got some value in it somewhere,
and nobody but a stoopidhead ever thinks it's okay to remain ignorant).
...those are the components.
playing to my strengths as a means of mitigating my weaknesses,
there's this old saw:
stay ugly, stay dope.
one is nature, (and nature wins),
the other is choice (which can sometimes tie).
we get what get, but we do what we do,
and logically, what we do becomes who we are.
nobody is as ugly as a handsome purposeless piece of sh!t.
real talk.
the trickle-down dinnertime mantra goes thusly:
stay ugly, eat beautiful.
we are what we eat,
and i'm planning on being an absolutely gorgeous glowing god's eye from within.
any day now, i'm sure that'll take root, and bloom through my essence.
in the meantime, i'm eating with my eyes first.
but then i'm eating like a raging savage starved stormswept fenrir,
and i'll devour every last morsel,
especially if it's radical magical nutritive vegan boomfire hottness fresh
from the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress test kitchen laboratory.
anything less is a misappropriated resource;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: