MORE RULES!!!

hey there-
like i told you yesterday-
there's MORE to discuss...
like superbowly nachoooooooos!!
yeah.
check it:

dudes!
nachos are great.
but, like, for real though.
i like to stack 'em a few levels deep....
cheddar chee' in between each layer is a must. (thanks, daiya)
and these jauns had thick-A* roman beans on 'em.
with little togas and sandals.
oh, c'mon.
and some crucial refried beans,
fried up with onion, and GPOP, nootch, and some ho'sauce!!
yeah, that's how to improve 'em immensely.
and then, naturally, y'gotta add all the little tidbits to the top....
red onions;
daiya cheddar and mozz;
sweet baby bell pepper ringlets;
diced heirloom tomatoes;
pickled jalapenos;
and after a little minute under the 480℉ convection fuego of my oven,
they got cilantro, scallion sprankles,
and a fat blop of vegan sour cream, too.
wordimus, neighbors, hooray for libre nacho deluxxos.
*
the real heroes of my sunday night championship food festival were the hot not-wings.
mmhmmm.
two styles, two ways, too much is the right amount.
just LOOK at these fiery flavor bombs:

HOT HOT HOT!!!
NASHVILLE CAYENNE-OIL SEITAN NUGS!!!
that's some savage stormswept spicy magic right there.
seriously.
they have that whole head heat,
and a little back of the throat kick that'll tempt a cough
from even the most well-seasoned asbestos lined esophagus.
tight.
my homemade seitan recipe is here.
only,
substitute the smoked paprika for sage and thyme.
i made steaks, and used the second half of my block for nuggin' up.
and it worked flipppin' great.
i mean, you can see 'em lookin' sexxxy as hell.
i took my nugs, which admittedly look a little steak-tippy,
and squeezed 'em dry.
then, i soaked them in pickle brine until they got slightly soggy.
that's when i gave 'em a dunk in some custom cornstarch crisper crust.
huh?
oh, y'gotta bread 'em before you fry 'em, man.
rules is rules.
it's like this:
2 T cornstarch;
2 tsp flour;
1/2 tsp cayenne;
1/2 tsp hot paprika;
salt, black pepper, and a pinch of GPOP.
THEN you toss 'em in the hot veggie oil.
i gave 'em a shallowish fry up, in about an inch of the stuff,
which was more than enough to get 'em golden and crispy.
dudes!
i also heated up a tablespoon of exxxtra oil,
with crushed red pepper, cayenne sweet AND hot paprika for pouring all over
those blisteringly blindingly beautifully hot hunks of wheaten meatlessness.
you ain't ready for this much flavor,
and you might not even be ready for all that hottness either.
then, when you hit 'em off at the end with those crankle-cut pickles??
maaaaaaan,
THAT's how you doo-doo that freaky sh!t like a worthy kitchen wizard, bro.
real talk.
they're good.
they will be made again.
for sure.
*
lastly,
and only because we save the best for that spot-
those double-dipped chick-pea-battered burly barbarian buffalo cauliflower chunks!!!!
BUFFALO CAULIFLOWER IS THE TRUTH, KIDS!
i did a few things differently than usual,
and i think all of them were good ideas, too.
for realsies.
the dunk was dope.
that's a cup of warm water,
with a tablespoon of ground chia/flaxmeal for thickening,
and 3 T of texas ho'sauce, and 1 T of sriracha, too.
mmmhmmm.
firewater is the way to go.
the breading is even easier:
1 T organic non-GMO cornstarch;
1/2 cup garbanzo (chickpea) flour;
salt, cayenne, GPOP, black pepper, and a dash of nootch.
half a head of cauliflower is all i had on hand, and i cut it into 2"ish blocks.
a dunk, a roll in the flour, another dunk,
and then a second roll to really get all the tight spots covered.
then the fry up.
i had that oil cranked up after the seitan went through first.
now, while those spent a few minutes bubblin' and sizzlin',
and softening up on the insides while crisping their own A*s off on the outside,
i melted 2 T of vegan butter substitute,
and poured that into a cup containing:
5 T frank's ho'sauce;
1 T sriracha;
1/2 tsp hungarian hot paprika;
1/4 tsp cayenne;
1/2 tsp paprika (for color);
a teaspoon of Garlic Powder and Onion Powder (blended together because i do that, son);
1 1/2 T vegenaise non-dairy mayo.
when the butterish hits, and the stir-up pops off,
you get a sauce for ferociously sexxxy, you might slap your ma,
if she were to disrespect it in any way.
-
pull your cauli's out, and while they're still molto hot,
tyoss 'em in a bowl with the sauce, and flip it around like crazy.
served with those celery slivers, this sh!t is 100% expert for your face.
no jokes.
full stop.
this. is. IT.
*
the best part?
nobody had to get murdered and dismembered for this meal.
not anybody.
compassionate, cruelty-free, health-supportive,
nutritionally-complete, fully-flavorfully-activated radical vegan hottness is here.
unless you're an A*-hole,
you've got to be pretty excited at what;s possible while still being a considerate,
conscientious capable culinary king or queen.
right?
i mean,
c'mon;
never quiet, never soft.....