Saturday, February 2


cinnamon swirls and cinnamon sugar and cinnamon buns!
when that rabbit! rabbit! magic gets spellcast into the sky,
y'gotta come correct with the treats, too.
rules is rules,
and we greet the new hottness with fancy bits of business every time.
so, this time, it was the best, and most perfect cinnamon rolls i've made in a minute.
check the teleport:

the dough was dope.
the crusty outside edges had all the crisp,
and the buttery, melty interiors were magnificently expert.
i'm serious.
these were some of the smoothest and sexxxiest jauns i've ever baked,
and i bake a LOT.
what's the key to success?
too much is the right amount.
MORE cinnamon and sugar and butter and icing.
and maybe even MORE cinnamon sprankles on top.
and if you worry that there's an excess of butter, and it'll get too syrupy?
you're worrying for no reason-
just add a lil handful of quick oats, and they'll soak up any and all exxtra sauce.
that's smart.
you want a recipe for these?
a do-it-yourself scene-y-scene playbook for being rad as heck?
here you go:
preheat your oven to a luscious 375℉
line a 10" cast-iron pan with parchment
warm up:
4 T vegan butter;
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1 tsp vanilla,
over low heat, until the butts are melted and the s'milk is a bit steamy.
not too hot, or it'll kill all the yeast-
hang on, we're getting there-
in your perpetually-heroic stand mixer, with a dough hook affixed,
knead together:
3 cups flour;
3/4 tsp salt;
1/4 cup sugar;
1 pkg yeast;
1/2 tsp cinnamon;
1 tsp bread machine yeast;
and that s'milky buttery mix.....
beat it up for 11 minutes, and let it rise for fifteen.
roll it out into a long rectangle on a well-floured surface,
and coat it with a fat dark-brown-sugary superslick sweet filling.
that's 1 cup dark brown sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
4 T vegan butter;
cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice;
3 T quick oats.
mashed and minced and mooshed, and spread across the surface of your rolled dough-
leaving one long edge un-sugared for about an inch-worth of dough.
that's important, because that's the seam, son.
roll up your sugary dough in a tight spiral, and moisten that plain edge to seal it shut.
now, cut your roll in half, and cut those two in half,
and then cut those quarters into thirds.
you've got a dozen of 'em ready to arrange on that parchment.
bake that whole pan for thirty minutes,
and let it rest for a few before you ice 'em up-
the icing is SO simple-
a dash of vanilla, a cup of powdered sugar, a few tablespoons of s'milk-
and then a little exxxtra cinnamon on top to turn it up to eleven.
i ate five in one shot.
my feelings are all effed up,
and i'm eating ALLLL the treats to try and fill in a few blanks.
so far, it isn't working, but i still had another one at AMPERSAND TATTOO.
yes, i did.
half of these live inside me now.
they were just too damned buttery and smooth.
they slid right down the hatch, and i couldn't help myself.
or maybe that's just an underlying condition-
like, for real, i can't help myself.
aww, man.
that's a hard style.
it's groundhog day.
the same as always,
the same as it ever was.
it's coooooooold out there today.
...but like, for really realsies, man.
today is the day.
and it's all really happening, just like it always is,
just like it always will.
there's always and forever this repeating echo of infinity and eternity,
and it's ricocheting around in rippling rings of smoke and spirit and memory,
ghost circles counterintuitively countering the wisdom of clocks
and clockwise revolutions of rhythm and resonance.
what does that mean?
it means the more things change, the more they don't;
never quiet, never soft.....

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