Monday, May 13


i made a gluten-free vegan mixed berry mothers day pastry creme tart.
i thought maybe breezy might like something like that.
or, at any rate, if she wanted something cute,
she could have a slice without worrying about the consequences 
of an insidious wheat insurrection.
i try to be sweet and bring sweets at the same time.
wanna see what i came up with?
ok, check the teleport:
the crust is pretty good.
the filling is definitely somethin' else.
and both pieces are sweetened with monkfruit,
so y'boi could keep up with this sugarfree month,
and still stay expert with the baked goods.
blood oranges, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, and red seedless grapes!!!
plus lemon zest sprankles to pretty it up.
obvi, y'gotta sprank it.
rules is rules, neighbors.
fruit is SO dope when you aren't eating candy.
like, suddenly, an apple is a magic spell that brings me to great joy.
anyway, here's how it's made:
preheat your oven to 350℉.
in your food processor, combine:
1 stick (8 T) vegan butter;
1/4 cup granulated monkfruit stuff;
1/4 tsp salt;
1 cup bob's ap gf flour;
2/3 cup mama's gf almond flour blend;
1/4 cup bob's 1:1 gf rice flour blend;
1/2 cup gf oats;
1/4 cup unsweetened flake coconut;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup non-dairy milk.
pulse that into a coarse crumb dough,
and press it into a high-walled 9" fluted tart pan, or whatever pan you have handy.
bake it for 15ish minutes, and set it aside while you activate the filling.
in a blender or food processor (maybe the one you just used, even)
whip up:
1/4 cup tapioca;
1/2 block silken tofu;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 T lemon juice;
1 1/2 cups non-dairy milk;
1/2 cup monkfruit powdery sugar pretendness;
3 T powdered freeze dried strawberries.
add that to a 2 quart pot, and stir it up over high heat until it's thiccc and sticky.
this stuff is legitness, and it has all the italian pastry goodness you could as for,
with no milk, no wheat, and no sugar.
spoon it into the crust, smooth it out, and refrigerate it before you drop the fruit on top.
i bet this would blow minds with some of that coconut whipped creme.
that has sugar in it, so i'll just have to wonder...
but, also, i'm pretty frickin' sure it would've turned it up to eleven.
i want closer connections.
i don't know how to make 'em, much less how to keep 'em.
but i tattooed two brothers yesterday in the morning
who live together, by choice, on their own, and work together all day,
and work out together and be all sorts of encouraging about it,
AND get tattooed together, too.
they're weirdies, but who the F* isn't, right?
it just got me thinking about people, and places, and things,
and how outside of AMPERSAND TATTOO,
there's the tiniest starburst of overlapping circles that compose my ghost ring
of spirit and memory.
i've always heard other people say: just be yourself.
except, that only ever seems to have the exact opposite effect when i do it.
like, being myself is specifically what keeps my contacts distant.
umm, nope. not in the least.
i wouldn't know who else to be.
curious, really, that the most extreme and extravagant amplified elements of my perspective
get lumped under the umbrella of my nom de plume: albie rock.
and that's for sure less than half of what's going on at any given time.
the smallest choice cuts and top-tier best parts of me are the least advertised.
if they were available to everybody, they wouldn't be special.
and i hear about how special i am a LOT.
although, i don't think it's meant the way i take it.
that's ok.
i'm still taking it;
never quiet, never soft.....

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