Saturday, May 11


feel awful falafel friday?
that's expert.
but, what about if it was also activated with fries?
and maybe way too much oil so that feelin' awful is a guarantee?
F* yeah!
i doo-doo that greasy sh!t
check it out:

crispy turmeric and herb chick pea fritters.
homemade yeast-raised flatbread.
exxxtra-lemony tahini.
from-scratch fries.
custom sumac-attack ranch-style SAUCE!
neighbors, these are the flavors you want in your face.

you want recipes?
i got those.
in your hook-equipped stand mixer,
combine 1 + 2 T cup king arthur flour;
1/4 tsp sea salt;
1/3 cup warm water;
2 T unsweetened plain non-dairy yogurt;
1 1/2 tsp bread machine yeast.
knead that into a shiny ball for ten or so minutes,
cover it and let it double in size, about 30 minutes.
divide it in half, and on a floured surface,
roll out a couple of ten inch circles.
heat a large skillet up, on high heat, until it's a superheated searing surface,
and one at a time, lay those flour flaps on there, letting them brown in spots as they rise.
two minutes each side, and you've got reliably pliable flattieboys to build on.
i bought the hummus.
don't be mean, it's good stuff,
and it has those sesame seed sprankles in the middle.
i like that.
it's a nice touch and it makes me wanna never buy any without 'em.
the tahini was made with love, and black pepper, and sumac,
plus a lotta lemon and a little warm water.
do you like tahini?
i mean, it's delicious, and it's essential to a good falafel,
but maybe you are a weak little watery diaperbaby, and can't get into it?
i dunno, duders.
i think tahini is pretty great, and i hope y'all are on board with that sentiment.
make yours however you like it-
but if it isn't lemony as hell, you might be effing up.
and cilantro,
and scallion greens,
and slivered red onions,
and cucumber strips.
salad stuff gives these sandwiches a bright springtime fresh taste.
you don't need to include green things, per se.
however, without 'em, you are definitely an A*-hole.
that's a thing.
y'know what else is a thing?
spicy potato wedges for your enjoyment.
cut two skin-on red potatoes into thick strips,
and add 'em into a mixin' bowl, with 1 T olive oil,
and add in:
black pepper;
smoked paprika;
Garlic Powder & Onion Powder;
dried thyme;
pink salt.
toss it all up to thoroughly coat 'em,
and arrange them on parchment on a baking sheet,
and roast them in your oven-
i put 'em in whle the oven preheated to 425℉,
and when they were all good and golden and crisp-edged,
i knew i was getting into something great.
how expert were they?
SO much so that i only had exxxtras for about 0 seconds.
i was shoveling them into my mouth as fast as i could, kids.
that's a lot of good things, but it isn't ALL of the good things.
there's still two MORE.
too much is the right amount, man.
that's how i've learned to live with the warrior poetry in my reclusive soul.
i don't like much, and i don't do many things,
but the things i like i like the most, and i do those few things A LOT.
it isn't glamorous, but it's honest, albeit infuriating to both myself and others.
do i wanna go do some other things?
nah, bruh, i'll pass.
but do i wanna make SAUCE?
absolutely i do.
(it's basically just like ranch, i guess)
in a high speed blender, combine:
1 large clove raw garlic;
1/2 block silken tofu, lightly squeezed to drain a bit;
1/4 tsp GPOP;
1/4 tsp dried dill;
1 tsp scallion greens;
one shake of dill seeds;
cayenne, sumac, black pepper, pink salt, & red pepper flakes all to taste.
1 T fresh curly parsley;
1 tsp lemon juice.
pulse that stuff up until it's thick and smoothish.
you want those little dots and specks of color all up in there,
but also, you want the consistency to be spreadable.
no chunks, but don't turn it brown from emulsifying the herbs.
is this the truth?
in fact, it's THE TRUTH.
you want that big pickle flavor, but with even MORE going on??
i know you do.
this is how you accomplish it, buddy.
SO expert, and SO dope,
and there's enough for tomorrow's dinner, too.
what's left?
man, c'mon...
FALAFEL BALLZ are still on the menu.
you fryin' 'em deep?
fill a pot 1/3 with oil, and get it HOT as F*.
you fryin' 'em shallow?
get a high-walled pan, and fill it 1/4" with oil and get it HOT as F*.
moving on, here's how i made this new-new ballz-deep recipe:
in your food processor, combine:
1 can drained chick peas;
1/4 red onion;
3 cloves fresh garlic;
1/3 cup chopped parsley;
1/3 cup chopped cilantro;
1/2 tsp cumin;
1/2 tsp ground coriander seed;
1/2 tsp thyme;
1/4 tsp sumac;
lots of black pepper, and cayenne pepper, and crushed red pepper;
1/2 tsp turmeric;
2 tsp tahini paste;
3 T chick pea flour;
1 T ground chia/flax/hemp seed blend;
1 T lemon juice;
pulse it all up to make a rough paste,
making sure the sides get scraped down at least once.
what you should have is green and yellow hamden warrior 'dough'.
i got 27 balls' worth of falafel from this mixture,
so, however big that works out to, they're like jusssst under 2" +/-.
i squish 'em a bit, and they spread anyway when they fry.....
you want 'em brown, and you don't wanna put more than 1/3 of 'em at a time
into the oil, or it gets too cold, and that's if it doesn't overflow at first.
be careful.
hot oil is a real A*-hole and it will wreck your whole life.
i mean it.
pull 'em out with a wire spider ladle,
and let 'em drain on some paper towels,
and top 'em off with that tahini, and that granger danger sauce,
and also with some sriracha.
do you put ho'sauce on your falafel?
i hope so, because that's a thing that has to happen.
rules is rules.
does all of this sound like a lot of work?
it is, kinda,
especially if you're new to making radical vegan kitchen magic happen.
for me it was a welcome distraction after a b!tchsap-drippin' friday at work.
who got a big no-call/no-show?
and what's better than a no-sunshiny cold wet day of dwelling
on life and love and loot and lunch?
i didn't need more time to think.
i needed actions to take.
have y'all ever tried to be personally creative in the midst of a hurricane of feelings?
maybe that works for you.
not me, though, bro.
i make art when i'm happy, not sad.
i don't need interpretive imagery to define my deepest dark depths.
it's my joyous heart that makes playful illustrations and happy skulls.
when i've got feelings to eat, and no tattoos to do,
it's the WORST, because all there are are thoughts....
and sure, thinking is doing something....
just not something tangibly useful.
and i need results, not ideas.
all that pent-up energy needed to travel outwards,
and falafel got the go-ahead as the outlet.
it's sunny outside today, at least-
but we're in a muh-fuhhh'n wind tunnel.
so we're still losing out, just more brightly.
wind brings change, and answers, and war,
and i really would rather not have any of those today.
some warmth, maybe.
some work to do, certainly.
some people who i care about being much much closer by, absolutely.
but we're gonna work with what we've got,
and it ain't much, but it's all there is;
never quiet, never soft.....

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