Friday, May 31


sourdough eggplant sausage pizza.
all vegan,
all homemade,
all the things i want to fill my whole fat face with.
and i did.
and i loved it.
and that's a fact.

that's what's up.
i started the dough by making a little doo-doo starter the day before.
1 cup of flour,
one cup of water,
one half cup of starter-
stirred and allowed to bloom for more than twelve hours.
it's very bubbly, it's very active, it's all fired up.
i added that to another cup and a half of flour,
two teaspoons of sea salt, two tablespoons of olive oil,
a spoonful of vital wheat gluten,
and a teaspoon of dry yeast.
kneaded up in the stand-up mixer with the hook attached, for eleven minutes.
how wet is it? pretty wet.
how structurally sound is it? perfect.
it's great, man, no jokes... i let it proof from 11 pm to six pm the next day.
and it's got all the oiled-bottom seasoned-steel-tray hottness you'd expect,
and twice the crispy crusty tang of that sourdough you might not have expected.
once you've got your dough stretched,
and the oven is preheatin' to 480℉ of convection magic time,
you absolutely have to make sure your eggplant is on point.
i have a formula i follow:
the dredge:
1 cup of unsweetened almond milk;
1 T chia/flax seeds;
1 T nootch, whisked and rested for ten minutes.
the breading:
1 cup crushed cornflakes;
1/4 cup brown rice krispies;
1/4 cup chick pea flour;
1/4 tsp pink salt;
oregano, basil, thyme, nootch, red pepper flakes, black pepper, parsley, rosemary;
dried shallot flakes;
the eggplant:
2 small thin-skinned mini italian jauns, slice 1/4" thick.
dunked and herb-crusted and fried in 1/4" of very hot hot veggie oil.
get 'em golden, get 'em right.
flip 'em once.
put 'em on paper towels to soak up some of that grease.
you got it.
the radical vegan homemade pepperoni?
man, it's easy easy.
here's the recipe.
and crushed tomatoes,
and minced mutha-effin' daiya because rules is rules,
and if you don't mince it up, you're making big mistakes with your life.
and caramelized onions AND fried garlic sprankles, too.
i mean, c'mon, that's what we do, because that's how it's done.
and it's SO dope:

RIIIIIIIGHTEOUS is an understatement.
fresh parsley? expert.
basil leaves? expert.
that's the move.
for real- freshie-fresh basil on top is F*ing mandatory.
don't make it worse, make it better.
i make pizza.
i make sourdough.
i make sourdough pizza and it does things to me.
mostly good, except for maybe my midsection.
it's a fair trade.
i'm replenishing my soul, at the expense of my waist.
but i didn't waste any.
in fact, i shared half with dylan.
that's practically a diet.
half a pizza?
that's light af.
i'm over here taking it eas and going hard at the same time.
tomorrow is june?
i'm ready.
sugar back on the menu at least for the first.
it's gonna be good;
never quiet, never soft.....

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