i am a disgusting shark-glutton.
i eat too much, too fast, and without much chewing.
that's no jokes, folks.
i got it into my head to make fancy sandwiches.
and then i did just that.
and when it all started happening,
i took it to eleven in so many different ways.
check the teleport, b!tch:
(even the fizzy water is extra-elite, ty-nant, ninja, recognize)
and what do you duders know about barbecue sauce from scratch?
lots of vinegar and a tablespoon of cooked-out crushed onions,
a splash of soy sauce, a squirt of liquid smoke,
tomato paste, molasses, spices, and horseradish dijon mustard?
i simmered that sh!t to a deep dark brown, and set it down on some seitan.
wheat meat can't be beat.
especially when it's slathered in sweet southerly sauce.
i buttered-up and grilled some roasted-garlic impregnated italian bread, too,
because it's not a sandwich unless it's between two slices.
or a half a loaf, or whatever.
too much is the right amount,
and super-fancy is very necessary.
check the toppings-type teleport:
pickled red onions, loud, fresh, and hard off the stovetop, neighbors.
and slaw like you dream about: raddicchio,carrots, and radishes.
that's the kind of cool and spicy crunch that activates
all the vegenaisey hottness in the whole world.
over a bed of crunchy-as-heck watercress, you have to give it up-
this mutha-F*er right here knows how to get it going on.
the test kitchen laboratory at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
it's kind of the place to be.
my take-one first attempt was so successful,
fresh from off of the griddle and into my guts,
via those sharkbite monster mouthfuls....
just six short hours later,
i shoved a second one down past the gill-line just to see if marinating all
those flavors over a (nominally) longer period of time would improve
the depth of flavorful desirability in each faceful of flavor.
and it did.
check the take-two-type teleport:
a whole loaf of bread,
a pound of seitan,
a batch of barbecue,
a ton of toppings,
a bunch of 'cress.
all inside of me.
well, maybe a little,
but it's no worse than what remains on the outside at all times.
i stay full, i stay ugly, i stay dope.
i do elite things in my kitchen,
i do elite things everywhere.
i'm powered by conscientious vegan intentions,
and by showboating bigtimer one-upsmanship.
i know, my ninjas-
it's the best combination you've ever heard of.
i just do what i do,
like it or not, it can't be stopped.
infinite nature overlaps itself and never stops winning.
today is the day;
never quiet, never soft.....