Monday, November 13


just gimme the blueberries, man.
that's all i want.
is that too demanding?
i rather thought not.
lucky for me, i have blueberries.
that means i get what i want, and that means i'm having my breakfast
in a decidedly antioxidized manner.
because blueberries are for muffining, neighbors.
that's a thing.
in the pantheon of muffins,
bloobs rank first and foremost amongst the rest of the rabble.
you know it, i know it, we all know im
and now, i'm going to show you it.
check the teleport:

how can something with such easy, linear recipe progression be such a rewarding experience?
really though, these soft and spongy little sex-bob-ombs had my mouth watering,
and my tastebuds tingling,
and my belly singing bard-style lays of the heroic sort for the whole dang day.
turns out,
blueberry muffins were the secret to a great day.
i think the texture of large-crystal raw sugar helped.
i also believe the little bit of creamchee' i cut in with the butterish was a factor
in turning the crumb's toothsome profile up to eleven.
y'gotta do the good things, and add the good things, in order to get the even better ones.
no doubt.
that's always a factor, isn't it?
you can trick yourself into thinking that the wholesome whole grain low-sugar
dense-bombing butt-blasin' boring ones are the best,
but deep down, you've gotta know that the decadent indulgent jauns are where the true
decadent luxury is being kept.
i know all about it, and i also know how to do it.
so i do it.
i mean, c'mon- too much is the right amount.
i'm not on some ol' doo-doo buttery old-man-bran-muff stuff.
no way.
i got the extravagant blueberry big action right here,
and i'm about to let you in on all the details-
preheat your oven to 350℉
in a medium-sized bowl, cream together:
+/- 1 cup raw sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 (8 T) stick vegan butter;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 tsp lemon zest;
3 T vegan creamchee';
stir in:
2/3 cup non-dairy yogurt, and mix well.
next, add:
2 1/4 cups flour;
1 tsp bakey soda;
2 tsp bakey powder;
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
1 1/2 cups frozen blueberries;
3/4 cup non-dairy milk.
stir it just until all the stuff is barely, but definitely combined,
and spoon it equally into greased muffin tins.
i got something like twenty, i think?
i also added raw sugar sprankles, pre-bake, for that caramel sexxxy time on the tops.
because rules is rules, and wordimus to ya'll nerdimuses.
that's just the way in which experts do the do, dude.
for realsies.
bake 'em for about 30 minutes,
give 'em five out of the oven,
then cool 'em on a rack,
and eat as many as you can fit in your fat face while they're still warm.
i'm pretty sure i took down about eight.
i'm not afraid to go hard on the anti-oxidant campaign trail.
heck yeah!
bloobs for me, bloobs for you,
bloobs for everybody.
that's just the way it is.
i may not have a tattoo today.
we'll see how it goes, bros,
but it's possible that i might actually have ten seconds worth of time
to work on other projects that have been neglected for the past few weeks.
i'm sort of excited, movie checks notwithstanding,
to draw a little bit of stuff NOT on a human body.
that's awesome, for sure-
the permanent marky-markin' for even-more permanent inky-inkin',
but it will be so sweet if i can put a pen on some paper for an hour or so, too.
it's all got to happen, and i want to enjoy all of it as much as possible-
the only way to do that is to dive in as hard and as deeply as i can manage.
here's to headlong hurtling into every second of this day;
never quiet, never soft..... 

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