Saturday, November 25


so, i've got this girl, 
and she loooooves pumpkiny stuff,
which i think is a common by-product of being a girl in this modern age.
but, she really gets psyched on it,
and i get psyched on making treats that are guaranteed to be a hit with the folks
who're dining at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
which means that the girl power gets what it likes,
just so i can get a little collateral residual power from their enjoyment.
....and some cake, which i happen to like as well...
it's reciprocity in motion, and it creates a synergistic treat-making scenario all
up in this immediate vicinity.
who doesn't like that, am i right?
(the answer is A*-holes; that's who doesn't like it, and they're not invited, bro)
the thing of it is, i'm not some sort of lazy diapery waterbaby,
so when i do get after that pumpkin treat activation,
i want to make sure it goes to eleven, y'feel me?
word up.
and that's when the pumpkin love really gets going.
i mean it.
check the maple-creamy-dreamwork-type teleport:  
dudes, c'mon.
that's a superfancy bundty butthole shape...
and this is the very first time it released a cake from it's clutches 
without holding onto a little as a tithe to the bakery gods.
that's cause for celebration, and luckily, i just so happen to have some cake!
i mean, take another 'nother look at this sweet baby:
is it moist?
F* yes!!
is it fall-spiced like a muhfuh?
you'd better believe it, babe!
does it have all the sweetness of maple syrup AND brown sugar?
don't be dumb.
did you really think i'd skimp out on hottness?
jeez, that's not how we doo-doo that sh!t around these parts...
we bring a big ol' ruckus with the whipped creamy sugar, syrup, 
and pumplestiltskin stuffin'.
you wanna make one?
i hope you do.
i wanna make another one, actually.
lucky for all of us, i have all the steps laid out,
and i'm about to let y'all in on what's poppin',
so you can concoct your very own, if you'd like.
here you go, kids:
preheat your oven to 355℉
in that indefatigable stand mixer you most certainly have,
1 cup brown sugar;
1/3 cup maple syrup;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp maple extract;
1/2 stick (4T) vegan earth balance buttery goodness;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 15oz can pumpkin;
cream it together loosely,
then whip it around on high-ay-ay until it's a lighter colored aerated awesome sauce!
3 cups flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, and mace, if you like that sort of thing;
give it  a quick turn around the bowl,
and pour in 1/2 cup non-dairy milk.
whisk it all up so that it's a fluffy af batter,
and spoon it into a very well greased fancy bundt, or regularly greased boring bundt,
and bake that sweet baby b!tch for like, an hour.
...or until a cake tester comes out clean from the tallest center point.
cool it down, flip it over, trim and level it for perfectly proper plating,
and ice that spicy little monster like a pro.
i used 1 T vegan tofutti creamchee', and 1/2 tsp vanilla bean paste,
and 3/4 cup powdered sugar, and a splish-splash of non-dairy milk,
to get a ferociously thicccc glaze.
and then i dusted it with kaPOWdered sugar sprankles!
too much is the right amount.
...and that's the right way to make it expert.
this weekend,
my niece cash is crashing with us.
yeah, that's right,
it's full-blown family togetherness in full effect.
my sister mary grace, and her husband tim are in the woodsly goodness,
and we're all spanning time as a cohesive team of appreciative participants.
i love that.
it isn't often that my peoples from back home come through.
in fact,
it averages about once every eight years or so-
the forest realm is NOT for the convenience-reliant urbanites of my bloodline.
weird, right?
i know.
i'm for certain the odd man out-
but not today, buddy.
today, i am one of the many werewolfen warrior poets practicing cooperative family fun.
and that's something special.
we're here, at the same time, in the same place,
and it's all really happening in all the best ways.
i'm tattooing my sister later, and i'm pretty excited about that, too.
this is IT,
and it's good;
never quiet, never soft.....

1 comment:

Beznarf27 said...

I totally need to eat this STAT. Awesome share right there sir!