PASTRYPANTS!!

i make things.

to put it very simply- that's what i do.

and while i make a LOT of things,

across a wide spectrum of creative mediums,

i've got an especially soft spot for pastry crusts.

yep.

it's true.

i just love a good ol' crispy one.

uh-huh.

all the art, and costumes, and tableaus are great, for sure.

i couldn't and wouldn't be me without 'em-

but an especially tight pastry, with the snap of a flaked-out crust?

that's where it's AT, neighbors.

and while i think i've got a pretty firm handle on crusts,

i still keep effing with 'em,

just because i can't leave well enough alone.

i mean,

c'mon.

if you aren't reaching higher every time 

then you're actually just sort of slowly going backwards, right?

that might be a thing, man.

just sayin'.

so,

as usual, i'm out here messin' with my dough,

and as usual, the results are well and truly worth the trouble.

don't believe me?

ok.

check the teleport, and be convinced:

it's pronounced PAY-STREE, and it's expert, bro.

word.

you dudes like that little broom?

it's s'kyoooot!

i made it special.

mmhmm.

in fact, i made a few.

yup.

i think i may produce a set of krampus dolls for the holiday season.

if you think you'd like to buy one,

you may want to contact me for more info.

battlebeasteleven@gmail.com

^yep. that's really my email, kids.

ANYhow,

neat-o lil broomskis notwithstanding,

that braided boomfire is SO DOPE.

seriously.

and the interior is so easy to assemble, it's almost like i didn't do anything.

ha!

i mean it.

there's walnuts, vegan chocolate chips, flaked unsweetened, non-gummy coconut,

lemon zest, and raw sugar sprankles, and DAS IT.

the crust, though, friends.

it's miraculous.

y'want to know how to do it?

this one is a true fast-n-dirty one, so i hope you're ready.

here it goes:

-

*

DIRTY CRISP LEGITNESS!

-

preheat your oven to 410℉

-

in a mixin' bowl, heap up:

1/4 cup big-crystal raw sugar (the size matters);

1 1/2 cups flour;

1 tsp vanilla;

6 T earth balance vegan butterish;

4 T vegan (tofutti) creamchee' (i'm telling you, it makes such a difference);

1/4 tsp salt;

chop all that into a crOmbly coarsemeal mix-up,

and add very cold non-dairy milk, a tablespoon at a time,

until the whole thing sticks together when squeezed.

fold and turn it and fold it some more, until it's barely dough,

with visible chunks of chopped fats throughout.

roll it quickly, cut it, braid it, crimp it, whatever-

then fill 'er up, and bake that little baby b!tch for 20 minutes-

then,

all you've left to do is freak the F* out over how amazing a baker you've just become.

yay!!...you win!

and you also get to enjoy the thoroughly elite excellence you've just concocted.

 

***********

guys,

day four of the big tattoo black and greyness is here.

uh-huh.

tomorrow is big all-red tattoo time,

and that's a little different, but basically the same.

however, that's feeling like it's a long way away.

for real.

i've got fat stacks of tatts on tatts to do, again, in just a little teeny tiny baby bit,

and if we're being completely honest, 

which is the curse of true-storytellin' real-life documentarians everywhere-

i'm just not ready yet.

awwwwwww, MAN.

i feel like i just left the studio a second ago.

and i worked on yesterday's half-sleevery for longer than i thought, 

with a machine a little heavier than i'm used to,

with all the flippin' details i constantly add and embellish,

because too much is the right amount.

except, my old man hands took a terrible pounding for my trouble.

ouch.

who'd have guessed that tattooing tight details on rough spots for seven days a week,

all the gosh-danged time would quickly exact a toll on my slightly-spidery spindlemitts?

weird, right?

and also, kind of a bummer.

there's still so much to do, dudes.

i need alllllll the movie checks, so i can stock up on fat stacks and fat saxxx and 

maxxximize all the collateral battle-beast-branded merchandising that i'm envisioning.

to do that, i'mma need to amass a massive mountain of cash, bro.

because nobody likes spending money and then not having any left, do they?

huh? WHO does that?

.........oh right-

that's what poor people do,

but that sort of short-sighted suckery is NOT invited 

to the AMPERSAND TATTOO makeout party.

hahahah.

that's kinda funny, but i'm not joking.

ummmmmmm.......

i work a lot so i can do a lot so we can all enjoy each others' company MORE.

that's not so dumb, is it?

larger quantities of available time in the assigned space, 

and more numerous objects of concentrated and energized transportable talisman-ia, 

and more fertile and fortuitous experiences are ALL probably pretty good for us.

we're growing up, and out, and moving forward.

a large part of that is making determined decisions to expand and spread the roots of 

this bastion of big-action badassery that i've created.

which means i need a pair of better hands, and soon.

it's all got to keep happening.

otherwise, what the eff are we even doing?

MORE is the whole point, friends.

i hope you're on board for the journey;

never quiet, never soft.....