Thursday, November 30


NOvember, man.
it always finds a new ways to surprise me.
and, here's a surprise:
i'm zero percent sorry to see it go.
for decades upon decades it has long been my most despised month,
and it has managed to remain so to this very day.
as this mangy mongrel of a month draws to a close,
i'm reminded that baking is the best part of every month.
in fact,
NOvember couldn't thwart that aspect of my everyday life even one little tiny baby bit.
because baking is the best.
and treats? well, they're treats, man.
and treats are good for you like little glimpses of positivity,
couched in tooth decay and blarpity wasitlines.
i tried a variant of my go-to cookies, and i think i'm onto something with it.
chocolate cookies, with maple syrup,
and those new white chocolate chips i'm into these days.
check the teleport:

with that slightly butterscotchy white chocolate drizzlin' on the tops?
you know i couldn't just leave 'em alone and let the remain circles of cocoa hottness, right?
i mean,
too much is the right amount,
and being that they are already exxxtra-thiccc and totally soft, but also a little crisp,
the only place with room to improve was the surface.
and i activated it accordingly.
would you care to ake some for yourself?
first things first, get those king david white choco chips.
then, follow the directions-
preheat your oven to 375℉
in a medium mixing bowl, cut together:
1/2 tsp salt;
8 T (1 stick) earth balance butter;
1/2 cup raw sugar;
1/2 cup vegan white sugar;
2 tsp vanilla.
once combined, mix in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
1/3 cup real maple syrup.
1/2 cup cocoa.
that should make for a brown muddy pile of messiness,
to which you will add:
3 cups flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 pkg white chocolate chips.
knead that dough until it's completely harmonious, with no clumps of clots of chips,
and shape them into 2" semi-flattened cookie-cutter-formed perfect circles.
y'know what i mean?
like flatten a big wad of dough, cut into it with the shape, press it to the edges,
remove the excess, and add it to the next one, so on and so forth,
until you've got about two dozen or so (maybe a few more)
space 'em evenly on some bakin' sheets,
and give 'em about 13 minutes in that hot oven.
it's going to smell incredible in your kitchen.
you've been warned.
the glaze on top is just melted chips, so i think you can handle that without guidance.
(i admit i used a couple buttery-scotch drops to smootherize the solution, don't be mad)
the last thing i NEED is more cookies,
but the first thing on my to-do list in the a.m. was to bake something.
i do NEED that, for sure.
the practice of staying keen-edged in creating things is all i've got to look forward to
as each morning gets colder and darker than the one before it,
and crabtree the terrible terrier is whinier and more irritating
for all the comforters atop his stinky little head.
that's real.
but cookies and cake and sh!t all help mitigate the mopey malaise of mediocre mornings.
sweets are only literally sweet around here.
and i'm saltier than blood about all the rest.
i've been thinking, and that's never any sort of good news.
as the month draws to it's inevitable and welcome end,
i can't help it.
the ideas that have forged my focus have reemerged at the forefront of my thought process.
chief among them?
everything costs something.
you can argue against that, coming at it from any vantage point,
but you'll just have spent a bunch of time doing so.
everything costs something.
it's a thing.
and if you want that good-good?
the new hottness?
the big fun?
well, get ready, neighbors.
because there's an equal, but opposite, price tag attached.
it's newton's third, but on a meta-metaphorical-metaphysical level.
i think that's why i am so uncomfortable having fun.
that's time i could've spent creating something.
the same goes for sleep.
that's a premium span sent right down the drain.
i recognize extrinsic values,
it's the intangibles that require a currency i can't convert.

without the bitter, the sweet's just not as sweet.
...that's the rules.
once that sugar and spice and everything nice touches against tongue?
well, when it goes sour again- and it always does-
oh MAN, is it even MORE acrid than you recall it ever being before...
it's cumulative compounded crap-
a sort of emotional bioaccumulation of toxins and tannins and heavy effin' metals,
plus various other sore and salty subjective sensations....
until eventually, the hemoglobin is replaced by vitriol,
and the entire course of your coursing blood is venomous, poisonous, and caustic.
i'm sure, given enough time, if you're paying attention,
you just become a malformed mutation of demi-diabetic emotional malfunctions,
or a miserable old person who doesn't like anything....
oh.....wait a minute.
what's my point?
it's simple-
i am a dummy-dumb-dumb.
because i still put some power in retaining hope.
that's the truth.
i really do.
after all,
if one is to truly believe that there are no inexpensive interactions,
and that after our first initial pangs of pain, loss, disappointment,
and/or most other assorted detriments,
all joy becomes subjective and comparative by design.....
then, i s'pose it must be hope that lets us foolishly forge forward with the knowledge
that while good is good, bad is quite literally everything else.
and hope is optimism with an immunity to pragmatism-
or, the absence of math in the face of unmetered and unmetered poetry.
y'see what i did there?
that's hope.
holy sh!t, kids.
i hate NOvember.
the early onset extra dark doo-doo butter keeps me indoors longer,
and that's when i get to thinking,
and that leads to reminiscing,
which in turn leads to dwelling,
which culminates in my crotchety amateur philosophomoric grumbles.
if you stayed past the cookie recipe, good for you.
i'm so sure you were uplifted by the effort.
it's all really happening, which is the whole point of it anyway.
december had better be ready to deliver the goods,
or i'm going to have to take matters into my own hands,
and clap, snap, and slap the sh!t out of the ensuing holiday season;
never quiet, never soft, never give up.....

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