TREATS!

you wake up, and first off, you say the thing about the rabbits.
yup.
y'gotta.
i mean, that's how the first day is done.
and besides, rules is rules, man.
what else?
...well,
you must make some treats,
because anytime it's the first of the month,
that calls for a sweets infusion to start it up with proper power an' pomp an' that.
uh huh.
rules is rules, MAN.
that's a thing.
last month, i used a LOT of pumpkin.
i mean, october was pumpkin month, isn't it?
it sure was;
and like i keep telling you: rules is rules, maaaaaan.
that doesn't mean pumpkin is Off The List in NOvember,
but i do need a little break from the gourd family for a day or two.
mmhmm.
which is why i went deep into luxurious territory,
and mined for solid gold amongst the grains and roots.
that's real.
check the rabbit-rabbit-type teleport:

BLACK RICE AND SPELT!!??!!
yeah!
coconut AND apple AND candied ginger?!?!!
F* yeah!
dudes,
that's that fancy sh!t right there.
here's how it breaks down:
the spelt and the milled black rice flour are both kind of nutty.
there's regular flour in there, too, for body and substance,
along with plenty of (vegan) butter and creamchee'.
i also added some sugar to ensure it was a treat, and not a visually appealing trick.
want the recipe?
ok:
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*
BLACK RICE SPELT PASTRY!
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1 1/4 cup a.p. flour;
3/4 cup spelt flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/2 cup fresh-ground black rice;
dash of cinnamon and ginger;
3 T raw sugar; (+ more for dusting)
1 stick + 3 T (11 T total) earth balance butterish;
3 T tofutti creamchee';
cut all that together into a chunky, coarse crumble,
and then add in:
1 tsp vanilla;
4 -6 T non-dairy milk, to make it sticky.
once it's all unified, knead it very gently to combine all ingredients,
and rest it for at least fifteen minutes, an hour if you're in no hurry,
or overnight if you're good at planning.
*
1 T agave, 3 T water, and 1 T raw sugar, plus 3 T chopped peeled fresh ginger.
in a tiny pot, over low heat, until all the liquid is absorbed.
wait...what?
sugary sweet ginger, bro.
i do that, now.
the sugar water cooks down, but also cooks up that tuberous taste-bomb,
and you get a little lovely spicy zappy zinger as a result.
mmmmmmm..
and when that's liberally dolloped on top of fanned-out layers of crisp thin-sliced apples?
that's expert.
and if you're gonna do all that, you may as well turn it up to eleven,
and layer in unsweetened flake coconut, too.
mmmhmmm.
too much is the right amount.
that's no joke.
all that flavor, activated with a few raw sugary sprankles,
and a whole bunch of NOvember leaf accents?
c'mon.
that's that good-good,
and you need it in your life, kiddo.
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make sure you flour your work surfaces,
and evenly distribute your ginger,
and bake your pastry at high-ish heat, like 420℉, for twenty-five minutes,
for maximized tasty crispiness.
that's how you doo-doo that elite sh!t.
word up.
-
i make treats.
it's a compulsion.
with or without you, i'm on some borderline autistic-spectrum obsession jauns.
i got dough and batter and mixtures,
concoctions and extracts and essences,
all of that,
to bring something special into this world,
for me, and you, and everybody.
pity i spend so much time pent up and penned in at AMPERSAND TATTOO.
it's an obvious, accessible focus,
and you'll have to come see me if you want in on this new hottness.
***********
why do i hear guns 'n' roses in my head?
oh.
...right.
because it's F*ing raining, in NOvember.
gross on gross on gross.
walking crabtree in the cold rain is an exercise in cajoling and scolding,
both of punishing the other for our respective infinite natures.
and it takes FOREVER for us to get anywhere,
because he's a dumb dog,
and doesn't realize that pouting and walking slower just makes it even MORE miserable,
for longer,
in the saturating sucksauce of the woodsly goodsly drip-droppin' rainforest.
yuck.
i'd rather eat a giant slug filled with engorged ticks.
that's how exhaustingly awful it is.
and yet,
there are no bloodbag parasite/mollusk alternatives,
so the soaking joke on the hoof is what comes next today.
so we're off to a good start at least.
hey, thanks for nothin', NOvember;
never quiet, never soft.....