Monday, November 27


apple pie is number one.
that's the all-time lifetime ranking of the premier pie in my line-up.
all-star apple activation is what i want.
ultimate apple magic is what i need.
incredible apple edible expertism is what i have.
word the F* up.
and while a lattice is lovely,
and a crOmble is divine,
a cinnamon swirl pastry shell is the TRUTH,
and anything else just seems lackluster by comparison.
i know,
i'm an inflammatory flamethrower of opinion,
i'm also a maker of many pies,
so my subjective sauce is backed by decades of experience.
and that's no joke.
i made my very first all-by-myself apple pie waaaaaaaaaaay back in the day,
as the only boy in my elective high-school skills for living class, (that's a thing)
with my wonderful teacher, mrs. goudreau, some four-and-twenty years ago.
damn, dudes,
that's a LOT of pie making time between then and now.
i call up the recollections or pies past,
and i drive headlong, and headstrong, into the future of crust and fillings
for you, and me , and everybody.
apple pie is where it's AT.
and this one?
this one right here?
this pie we enjoyed, in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
as a family, a la mode, together, happily and hungrily???
yeah, man.
THAT'S the stuff that sweet dreams are based on.
have a look for yourself, via the pinwheel-apple-wizardry-type teleport:

braided edges?!
swirls for days?
cinnamon and brown sugar and alllll the apples, in a flaky buttery golden crust??
yes yes YES YES YES!!!
too much is the right amount.
you shouldn't allow for anything less than that.
my favorite pie,
my favorite topping,
and baked to a good-lookin'-A* crisp!!!
i'll give you my pastry crust recipe one more time,
just in case you're too overwhelmed by the sexxxiness of this treat
to search back through prior posts for information-
in your heroically helpful food processor, pulse up:
2 1/2 cups flour;
1/4 tsp salt;
11 T very cold vegan butter;
3 T sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
3-4 T vegan creamchee';
3-5 T cold non-dairy milk, added 1 T at a time, until the whole mixture is crumbly,
and sticks together when squeezed between your fingers.
wrap it, chill it for at least an hour in the fridge,
then roll it out on a well-floured surface, and put it in your pie pan, man.
i reserved half the dough for the rolls,
which go down soooooo easily as well--
that's 3 T vegan butterish;
3/4 cup brown sugar;
dash of vanilla;
cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg to taste.
creamed and spread across a rectangle of rolled dough, with 1/2" long edge left unsugared,
and moistened, to allow a sticky rim to adhere the roll in place.
you know what i mean. i know you do, and i believe in you.
rewrap it, chill that for ten in the freezer,
and cut it into slices when your pie is filled, to top it with tremendous terrificness.
word up.
the apples i used were macintoch, and cortland, and macoun,
just because i had 7 large and in charge ones sitting here.
use it up, wear it out, make do or do without.....
that's what they say, and i listen only when it suits me.
but, we peeled, cored, and sliced 'em,
then simmered 'em up with a glug of maple syrup,
a dash of lemon juice,
a handful of quick oats and a handful of brown sugar,
a shake or three of cinnamon and ginger,
a splishy-splash of vanilla, a pat of butterish, and a pinch of salt.
that all got cooked down to 75% of it's original mass,
and cooled so as not to dissolve the dough in the pie pan.
i mean, guys, c'mon, don't eff it up before yo even start.
be patient, and let things cool a baby bit.
it'll only serve to elevate the end results to higher levels of loveliness.
i braided the rim, over those swirls, over those apples, on top of that crust,
and i baked that baby b!tch at 400℉ for somewhere around thirty minutes?
maybe less.
depends on your oven, and how golden you like your edges.
if you don't have vegan ice cream,
go get some.
this one is vastly improved a la mode.
that's for realsies, seriously.
apple pie, for your eye.
my favorite, lookin' hella good, tastin' hella better,
and disappearing into our bodies at a breakneck pace.
if you aren't devouring dopeness, what are you doing with your life?
there's a lot of pie out there in the world,
but THIS one was one for the record books.
i'm glad for it.
and i'm satisfied with a big ol' wedge, or three.
don't get it twisted, either-
i'm a HUGE fan of streusel.
that sh!t is great.
it's just not as expert as cinnamon swirl scaled armor.
true story.
go bake a pie.
don't skimp out.
go big.
you'll be glad you did,
unless you're a jerk;
never quiet, never soft.....

1 comment:

Beznarf27 said...

Amazing dessert! Awesome share. Cheers :)