Wednesday, January 2

BIG B!!!!!

if you don't start the year off with a big B,
are you actually still living in the past?
on the ones, a big ol' burly barbarian celebratory breakfast is what you need.
powerhouse activation to fuel the first day is mandatory-
what the eff else would you even have?
a muffin?
what are you?
a weakling??
no way-
we're warrior poets, and as such we need to sustain our whirlwind batle-beastliness
with nutrients an' that-
duders, i know what's up, and i do what needs doing-
check the premier-type teleport:

my breakfast is BIG, because rules is rules.
and the rules say: if it isn't molto molto grande it's just a snack.
do you see those roasted russet homeboy fries?
y'all don't even know, yo.
those are the TRUTH.
i was baking some homemade sourdough bread,
so while the oven preheated to 460℉, i had those semi-circular slabs
gettin' crissssspy in the rising temperature.
then, like smoky paprika wedges of werewolfen wizardy for your face,
i sauteed them with red onion and GPOP and black peps and pink salt and olive oil-
you know, to turn 'em up a little louder-
plus, i hit 'em with a few thin cilantro sprankles to kick it up a scooch at the end!
yes! so much yes! allllll the yes!
that's how you make a potato work to it's fullest potential.
AVO-F*ING-CADO with sriracha pepper flakes?
that scrambo, though, bro-
exxxtra-firm tofu, GPOP, pink salt, black pepper, and nootch-
with onion, poblano pepper, aloha red pepper, dry-fried mushrooms,
blackened baby tomatoes, and spinach?
i fit in all i could , because too much is the right amount!
and wha's up with that clementine? that lil satsuma is cute,
and besides, i like a bit of citrus, buddy.
take it easy.
and then there's the panniecakes.
THAT'S the right stuff.
i always make 'em in shapes, because they look better that way.
no joke.
i want pretty pancakes, or no pancakes.
coconut sugar had 'em doing something exxxtra-nicey-nice.
like, a touch of caramelization was underway on the edges.
with double-dark super-strong real new hampshire maple syrup-
you already know that's a mandatory scene around here.
the woodsly goodness knows about syrup.
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress only has that maple magic.
we doo-doo the right things, friends, so we can have the right things.
roughly mix together:
1 cup + 2 T flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
3 heaping T coconut sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
2 T finely ground unsweetened dry coconut;
3 T coarse oat flour;
1 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 cup + 2 T non-dairy milk;
2 T melted vegan butter;
2 T unsweetened coconut yogurt.
mix it, rest it (like at least 11 minutes, more is better)
pour it in scooples into metal cookie-cutter shapes,
sprayed with a touch of that non-stick, on a hot pan, man.
flip 'em when they get bubbles visible through the batter;
let 'em sit a minute before removing the forms,
and check to see that they're the same color on both sides.
that's just good form.
did i hit 'em with kapowdered sugary spranks?
of course i did.
it's a muhh-fuhh'n big B after all.
you gotta get it poppin' right away.
it determines how serious about the new hottness you are.
i'm deadly serious and totally devoted to keeping it expert.
like, if it isn't going to eleven, it isn't going anywhere.
something as simple as breakfast should be rad af-
like, just be dope or F* right off.
and i'm not going anywhere;
never quiet, never soft.....

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