Tuesday, January 8


if y'all ain't eating cake,
it's ain't y'alls berfday.
rules is rules.
you need crumbs, frosting, a candle, a song, and a wish,
some huffs and a puff or else it doesn't count.
word up.
i made myself a tasty white chocolate-laced jaun,
with all the good frostings (three kinds),
to put a fresh two-tiered twist on being older and wiser.
wanna see?
check the berfy-d-type teleport:

a pretty pink princess cake is what i'm about this year.
i wanted it, i made it, i ate it, and i loved it.
why wouldn't i want a blushing beauty to ring in my forty-third, y'heard?
no, wait-
but, like, for realsies though-
check it from the angle, bruh:

and you best believe i made a muhh-fuhh'n wish.
y'like those starry dollops of dopeness? i do.
it's a lemon-kissed white chocolate frosting, and it's F*ing expert.
then, i added powdered freeze-dried strawberries to it,
and then, i added cocoa to that.
too much is the right amount,
and if i'm gonna do it, i'm for sure gonna OVERdo it.
no matter how old i get,
i'm not gonna be a diaperbabyish waterboy on my big day, dudes.
...no way. but, i am gonna get fancy af when i gotta cake it up.
and i wished my wish, before i sliced my slice:

i make a dumb face in every picture.
it's my infinite nature, and nature wins, kids.
but, horsey teeth aside,
my cake was very very lovely.
stay ugly, eat beautiful- that's what we do around here.
you want to make sexxxy cake?
i got you covered:
preheat your oven to 350℉
grease two pans of your choice-
two 8" one 9" & one 6", one 9" x 12" sheet-whatever
in your must-have super-necessary stand-up mixer
with the whisk or cake paddle attached, combine:
8 T softened vegan butter (1 stick);
1/2 tsp salt;
1 cup sugar;
1/2 cup light brown sugar;
1/2 lemon's zest;
2 T micro-grated cocoa butter;
1/2 cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt;
2 tsp vanilla.
blend well, then add:
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1 T lemon juice;
3 cups flour;
3 T tapioca flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda.
blend on high until smooth and fluffy-
spread it level and even in your pan(s),
and bake it until the centers are firm-
25-35 minutes of magic depending on your oven.
cool them for five minutes,
then turn 'em out onto a wire rack for cooling off completely.
that's when you can get into the frosting scene-
all frosting is straight ahead forever-
3 cups of powdered sugar.
1 stick of vegan butts.
extract (i did 1 tsp vanilla, 1/2 tsp lemon)
lemon zest for this one;
1 T microplaned cocoa butter;
1/3 cup liquid ( in this case 1/2 soymilk 1/2 lemon juice);
and 2 T vegan creamchee'-
fluffy af and ready to go, this stuff was a miracle-
and after the initial white lemon chocoglaze,
i added that powdered strawberry dust, and the the cocoa,
and got that triple tone triple threat triple treat sweetness for my face.
and then i added those tri-color pink pretty princess sprankles, too!!!
i'm over here eatin' cake.
i don't feel bad about it.
it's delicious.
also, it's a snow day, today.
so once again,
anything can happen.
i'm not ready, but i don't think that matters;
never quiet, never soft.....

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