Saturday, January 5


i gave myself a treat.
one huge epic vat of fat udon cords for supper-
in the biggest bowl,
with the best broth,
and a bunch of brussies, to boot.
when it's cold, and you're old, and it's dark, and it's friday,
and you're home alone with a megalodon shark-gluttonous appetite,
what the eff else would you even make besides a cauldron of soup?
i can't think of anything, really,
and anyway i F* heavy with NOODS for the dudes, neighbors.
and the thing of it is, whenever i make 'em,
i make MORE than one person would ever need.
that's no joke.
too much is the right amount.
for real.
why would i want a mincey, minky, meager mound of noodles?
especially when i could have a glorious gallon of greater goodness, y'know?
guys, check the teleport:

this has got what you need-
can you see the thickfreakness of that liquid?
that's when you know for sure that you're doing it right.
let's begin with that brutally bad-A* broth:
saute, on high heat, in a 1 quart pot, with 1 tsp toasted sesame oil:
1 cup shredded cabbage;
1/2 cup rough chopped red onion;
1 purple carrot, sliced;
1/4 cup caramelized onions (left over from pizza, pure awesomess for this application);
1 tsp two-tone sesame seeds;
2 cloves sliced garlic;
1 cup baby kale;
1/2 cup diced sweet potato;
1 stalk celery, sliced thin;
1 1/2 cup halved baby grape tomatoes;
when the onions are slightly softened,
add 3 T rice vinegar;
3 T gluten-free soy sauce;
2 cups water;
pink salt, cracked black pepper;
heavy shakes of GPOP, ginger, and ground coriander seed;
a pinch of japanese chili flakes;
1 T agave.
bring it all up to a boil,
reduce it down to a simmer, and give it fifteen minutes to get expert.
on it's own, that'd be a superdeluxxxe dose of dopeness,
but that's not how i let things lay, not on any day.
no way.
i want MORE of everything good, please and thank you.
we got sesame sprankled mushroom quarters.
dry-fried quartered mushrooms, with pink salt leeching the liquid out,
and preventing sliminess, but also providing adhesion for those seeds.
y'just brown 'em up on high heat and that's it!
so goooooooood!
the brussies were fried in a little oil, on high heat.
a few tablespoons of water were added, evaporated, uncovered,
and water was added again, and again,
until they were bright green and soft. with a decent browned cut-edge.
that's a nice touch.
i love brussels sprouts and i add them to whatever i can.
they're like adorable baby cabbages that make my mouth psyched.
y'all ever had fat udons like those?
normally, they come in prepared noodle packages-
like mega-turbo ramen style packs-
i forever toss the soup base (gross),
and use those fat dookie ropes on their own.
they're already ready, they just need warming up.
if there were thickies like that available nearby dry, i'd probably make those;
instead i make do with what's here, and i make it WORK.
...and they totally work.
nothing is quite as satisfying as cable-thick pasta.
and of course i got the pea shoots and the mung bean threads, as well.
i mean, c'mon-
rules is rules, and if we can make it exxxtra-sexxxy,
then we're obeying one of the prime directives:
no ugly food, just ugly people-
that's riiiiiiight.
stay ugly, eat beautiful, or else.
i've been writing faster than my other social media posting.
so much so that i'm like a week ahead, almost-
with treats and eats from here going neglected on other sites.
it doesn't matter, in real life,
but i'm gonna be forever lagging in the real-time real-life documentarianism.
it's all really happening, obvi-
but so much has already really happened that hasn't had a chance to shine-
i'm hungrier for words these days, i guess?
also, i'm hungry again right now.
that's real;
never quiet, never soft.....

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