Tuesday, October 11


guess who didn't eat falafel yesterday?
probably just about everybody, really.
but that includes ME,
and that's what i'm here to talk about-
i have a few things happening in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress'
test-kitchen-countertop food-science laboratory.
and that includes some new-new hottness on the pizza dough cruutbuster scene.
i have some exxxtra-long proofing white/semolina super-sourdough jauns
that have been fermenting like a batch of wheaten wizards,
brewing and stewing in their natural leavens,
and i put one to use last night, as a trial,
and i wanna just say one thing-
real talk.
you don't know if that's a thing?
fair enough.
i want you to quickly just go ahead and check the teleport:

heck yeah, neighbors-
i got that PEE EYE ZEE ZEE AYY PMA all day e'ry day!!!!
look at that crust!
no commercial yeast, just a 16 hour bulk ferment,
and a 22 hour cold proof,
that's baker-talk for taking the time it takes to take the treats by storm.
1.5 cups flour
1.5 cups #1 semolina
2 T wheat gluten
a pinch of sugar, (it's cold in here)
a T of table salt,
a cup of so of water,
and a scant cup of starter,
paddled into a pulpy puddle of sticky starch,
and allowed to do what it does for as long as it takes.
that's all there is to it.
the best part is,
i've still got three more doughy balls waiting around for me, too.
the crust is key.
i wanted to sexxx it up, and i knew just the thing that'd get that done-
a little fried garlic sprankle magic makes any pizza especially dope,
a brushin' of the fried garlic oil all up on the edges takes the whole entire
thing to a whole other 'nother 'nother level of elite.
i doo-doo that greasy-rim-type sh!t,
and it works like a charm.
480F oven, and a well seasoned oven stone,
plus a lightly greased pan, and a finger-stretched dough, right out to the edges.
....that's what's up.
i had the rough stuff roasting in the oven while it preheated,
since that high of a temperature takes more than a little minute to reach.
and when it was all ready,
i assembled an autumnal avalanche of awesome,
and i ate it all up all by my lonesome.
wordimus prime-
i began with the custom patented cashew-garlic (th)underchee',
and then a heavy layer of daiya mozzarella,
followed by caramelized sweet onion,
a solid coverage sliced tomato overlap activated tier,
and the good-good hung out on top of all that like it belonged there since the beginning.
butternut, beets, and broccoli, bro.
with the garlic and a little decorative chee',
and about 15 minutes of ovenly lovin',
i had all the things i wanted in one place,
and that made my whole night into somethin' super-offically fresh-to-death.
maybe you're not into pizza.
that's okay.
the world needs a thin film of scummy bums to remind us that we're only
a hair's-breadth away from being as busted and bad at being alive as y'all.
if you don't like pizza, you're not even a real person.
that's no joke.
the rest of us are over here transcending traditional toppings,
and turning the hottness up to eleven.
g'head and keep your lame meals to yourself, buddy-
we've got boomfire to blast into the atmosphere,
and you're too heavy to lift.
time is slippin' away at a ferocious velocity.
i'm gonna need a week of all-nighters to carve and cut my costume for this year's
lonely workday of hallowe'en dress-up mess-ups.
i guess that's the price of working all the time-
there's so little time left over.
it's not because i'm greedy,
it's because i'm needy,
and i know that nobody else is gonna give me a helpin' hand,
let alone some sort of hand-out.
i'm fittin' my mitts with mouthgards,
and lettin' my fanged fingers and tongue-tied thumbs gnaw on more labor,
more meals,
and more necks,
in order to chew through whatever needs my attention.
it's all really happening.
my hands have teeth.
that's only really funny once you know it's not a joke;
never quiet, never soft.....

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