Tuesday, October 25


cookie pie?
cookie pie.
i meant-
i doo-doo that tasty business, b!tches.
you actually don't know what i'm talking about?
well, neighbors, then y'better check this teleport:

wetter cookie dough, pressed into a cast-iron circle,
and baked up into something not quite cookie or pie,
but decidedly super-expert all the same.
...and what's IN it?
for serious, kids-
gigantic chocolate chunks and miniature chocolate chips.
dried cranberries.
pumpkin seeds.
and vanilla bean paste to make it especially luscious.
how'd i make it?
like this:
1 stick + 3 T butts
1 cup + 2 T sugar (1/3 cup dark brown, the rest organic vegan granulated)
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking kapowder
2 cups a.p. flour
1 1/4 cup rolled oats
3/4 cup unsweetened coconut yogurt
3/4 cup chocolate chunks
1/2 cup chocolate chips
2 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup almonds
3/4 cup pumpkin seeds
all of that, from the creamed butts, sugs, and vanilla,
to the dry dock rock block chock full of nuts,
all rolled and folded and pressed into a 9" skillet,
and baked for 25 at 375F,
topped with raw sugary sprankles, oats, and seeds,
to make it look lovelier,
and activate just that little bit exxxtra we worthy warrior poets all always look for.
i cut myself a manly slice,
and i freshened it up with a scoople of vanilla almond milk ice cream.
i'm just sayin'-
LOOK at that chunky, crumbly, gooey, wedge of interstellar stupendousness!!!!
i don't like the weak sauce,
and i especially have no time for underfilled cookie dough.
i want MORE.
and when it's time to rock the party?
i albie rock the party along following just one all-important guiding principle:
too much is the right amount.
word up.
and that's how you know it's always gonna turn out expert.
overarching thematic overindulgence.
i mean,
they're effing treats fro crying out loud.
and they should be just that.
cookie pie, broskis.
who'd have guessed that a giant cookie could transcend time and place like this?
i'm pretty happy with the results,
and i'm pretty happy with the picture, too.
as long as the leaves are still lingering for a moment more,
i'm gonna stage the scene to look as sexy as possible.
i don't wanna mess around with ugly food.
you know that.
so, when i'm preserving my place setting for posterity,
i'm also making sure that i capture a moment of maxxximun hottness.
after all,
if i'm not prepared to take it to eleven,
what the heck am i even bothering for?
i do what i do, as hard as i can,
and i let the day fall into place around me;
never quiet, never soft.....

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