Sunday, October 23


pumplestiltskin creme pie chee'cake hottness from the future????
i don't mind if i do:

pumpkin pie for your eye,
via the food-styling freshness of @vegan_magic_time!
no joke.
i read about travis's interpretation, and i got so excited,
i simply had to have ago at one of my own.
he named his as a tart, and i agree.
the nutty crust qualifies it as an absolutely tarted-up little ho of a treat.
i used my go-to superflaky piecrust,
and miniature pie tins,
so by default,
i was headed in a different direction from the foundation.
that crust is a must.
and without it, i think my weekly endeavors to persevere
would be perilously punctuated by doo-doo butter,
rather than golden, delicious, crisp, sexxxy pie!
luckily, i know how to make more.
the crusts were cut, and the leafy accents were, too.
i mean, really, autumnal awesomeness needs the leaves, or else,
what the eff are we even doing?
wasting time and energy, that's what-
and i can't  hang out with that, at all...
since we know that we're not lazing around,
there'd be no point in letting that pumpkin creme idly weak-walk
into the waterbabyish diapersauce, right?
heck no.
i want that barbarian bam-bam sister nancy-style freaky-diki sh!t,
and everything else is NOT invited.
word up.
i used the following to make it work:
1 cup canned pumpkin
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp ginger
1 pinch of cloves, just to let you know that this is grown-man business
1 1/2 tubs creamchee'
2 T cornstarch
2 T tapioca
1 T arrowroot
2 tsp vanilla
1/3 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup soaked cashews
food processed until smooth in that high-heat hellrazorblade hole,
and poured out in equal portions of magical potion,
as the pumple quotient rose to eleven and beyond.
i baked them at 415F for twenty-two minutes, until they were dark and firmer,
then pulled them with a bit of jiggly wiggle in the middle,
and let 'em cool.
for the record i took the leaves out much earlier.
they'll burn bro, so stay on 'em,
or eat those overtoasted turds at your own peril.
that said;
after a stint on the counter,
and a brief tour of the refrigerator,
to be certain of their gelled-up doneness-
i encircled them with the ensorcelment of almond creamchee' frosting,
and affixed the foliage with it, as well.
i doo-doo the decorative presentation stuff, neighbors,
because i don't wanna munch up on ugly food.
i stay ugly, but i eat beautiful.
that's my m-f word.
too much is the right amount,
and that goes double for pumpkins
meanwhile, before i left for connecticut,
i had that expert pizza.
before it was a pizza,
the red lentil arugula onion jaun was also an expert sandwich.
check the teleport:

homemade bread?
i like my hoagie rolls to stay woke AF,
and that meant activating a little commercially-yeasted upgrade magic.
1/2 cup semolina,
3/4 cup a.p. flour,
1 T gluten,
2 tsp sugar,
1/2 tsp salt,
i pkg yeast dissolved in <1cup p="" warm="" water="">with just the babiest bit of olive oil,
with about half an hour of initial bulking,
while the oven preheated,
and then another 30 minutes post shaping.
i made two loaves, each about 10" long.
baked at 450F for about 20 minutes?
there's been a lot of food happening,
and a lot of coughing, too.
no joke.
i got a mild case of emphysema, of black lung, of chronic pneumonia,
or maybe even a little bit of a cold,
and i've been up all night coughing every night for the last week.
what a bummer.
i could go the doctor,
i can count on my vegan healing factor to effectively keep counteracting
the normally-lethal levels of venom affecting my respiratory tract.
i'm just saying,
if YOU had this 'itis, there'd be coroners getting called in.
all that arugula is staving off the vultures and the undertakers,
and i'm just sleeping even less than usual.
and yuck,
and that's the way it goes, my dudes.
it's all really happening,
in sickness, and in health;
rules is rules,
and that's all there ever is to it;
never quiet, never soft.....

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