Tuesday, December 5


pie-style apples!
dutch-style oatmeal crOmbles!!
spelt-type floury powerful coffee F*ing cake!!!
i put stacks on stacks on stacks of stuff on top of each other,
and the i baked the sh!t out of all of it,
and now, along with a scoople of no-sugar-added coconut vanilla bean ice cream,
i've got THIS:

i have an especially special spot in my body reserved for crumbly grandmom-ish treats.
...and it is currently occupied by this little sweetie.
it's got all the goods in one place!
three large peeled, cored, chopped, and stewed apples-
that's 4 T maple syrup;
2 tsp cinnamon;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 T cornstarch;
and 2 T raw sugar,
all together, softened ove medium-low heat, cooled off a little, and ready to go.
that crOmble is the business, brothers and sisters.
2 T vegan butts;
1 tsp cinnamon;
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
1/4 cup oat flour;
1/4 cup rolled oats;
1/2 tsp vanilla....
all chopped up and held together with force and flavor-
it's SO good, for being SO simple.
and one goes on the other-
both go on top of that spelt cake,
and that's the real hero, y'know?
i mean,
it supports all that pie on top.
and here's HOW you do it:
preheat your oven to 360℉,
then, inside your stand mixer you've gotta cream together:
1 cup light brown sugar;
1 stick (8T) vegan butter;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 cup non-dairy sour cream;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 1/2 cups flour;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
1 cup spelt flour (slightly heaped);
1 tsp each bakey powpow and soda;
1 cup non-dairy milk + 1 T cider vinegar.
that's cake, once you've gently whisked it all up.
into a greased 9" springform, you dump the batter,
then the apples, then the crOmbles,
and bae that swet baby for at LEAST 45 minutes, or more,
until it's risen, solidified, and firmed up across all areas, including that juicy central core.
don't you dare underbake it, or you're just gonna get puddingy poop in the middle,
and we don't invite that sort of riffraff rabble to our parties, duders.
don't be dumb, or impatient, please and than you.
once it's ready, and still warmish,
you're gonna wanna hit it with that a la mode scoop jauns.
trust y'boi on this one-
it's the only way.
i had some unsweetened vanilla bean coconut milk icy hottness,
and it totally turned this masterpiece into a virtuoso exxxplosion of texture, taste,
and transcendental soul-touching joy.
that's real.
try some, and you'll see for yourself.
time is ticking faster than i can keep count.
it's slipping past like water,
and what's current is swept away in the currents of present into past,
and i'm hurtling into the future totally unprepared.
who knew i'd have half the things happening that are occurring in my immediate area?
no ME, that's for sure.
i'd likely have prepared a bit better for the experience.
it's all going on, and going off,
and getting busier by the tick tockin' to the body rockin' to the rhythm of crabtree's whines.
and in between,
i've got tattoos and cookies and dinners and chores pouring out of the aether,
and i'm poring over all of them as i sweat out of my pores.
too much?
but, that's the only amount we like, right?
this is IT,
and that's all you get;
never quiet, never soft..... 

1 comment:

Beznarf27 said...

I have never made a coffee cake. I think I am going to have to make one now.