Wednesday, December 27


tofu pot pie?!?!
that deeeeeeeep style casserole glassarole is where it's at.
...and that's no rigamarole.
christmas dinner, for two,
but with enough food for many more?
that's how i do it to it,
because too much is the right amount.
custom salty, buttery pastry.
thick, firm, herb-crusted tofu.
roasted potatoes and parsnips.
sauteed, braised, and burly onions, celery, cauliflower, cabbage, and carrots.
heavy-duty homemade roux gravy.
and peas, because rules is rules,
and peas are essential to pot pie, guys.
check the teleport:

and that's good news, because that means MORE pie per slice, bro.
c'mon, man.
with that star and holly pattern on the crust?
i made the crust basically the same as every other pastry crust-
only with no sugar nor vanilla,
and just a little exxxtra butter and creamchee',
but essentially the same.
and the tofu was browned in olive oil,
right before it got a really wet, juicy, succulent herb bath.
that's what gave it the chickeny-littlest suggestion of savory flav'.
that's one cup of broth;
with 1 tsp each GPOP, sage, thyme, ground mustard powder;
a shake or two of rosemary; parsley, and celery seed;
1 T nootch;
sea salt and black pepper;
a splash of soy sauce;
a few drops of  liquid smoke;
a T of agave and 2 tsp of non-GMO organic cornstarch.
y'just pour it onto the 'fu, and let it soak in and reduce and thicken,
and BOOM, just like *that* you've got super-turbo-ultra-delicious delights ready to go.
the veggies are easy.
roast your potatoes ( i used to average sized medium chef's white jauns, diced)
and a fat parsnip, cubed up,
in a liberal olive oil and salt and pepper toss'around,
while you oven is preheating to 410℉.
(that's for the pie to bake at later)
that's all.
toss 'em once or twice, until they're as golden as you like 'em.
all done.
chop the carrots (2);
the onion (1 medium sweet yellowish one);
2 cloves of garlic;
2 cups of cauliflorets, smallerized;
3 cups of shredded sliced cabbage;
*it will wilt down once heat-softened, kids, it's ok*
1 celery heart, with leaves, diced.
in 2 fat pats of butterish- earth balance is my favorite,
plus a dash of salt, over medium heat,
let that saute for a spell, until the onions start to achieve translucence.
blast it with a splash of red wine vinegar,
a dash of nootch,
a little GPOP,
and few tablespoons each of fresh rubbed sage leaves,
de-stemmed thyme, and chopped up rosemary;
add a few glugs of olive oil, and a spoonful or two of water,
cover your pan, and let it all steam for five or more minutes.....
add a 1/4 cup of frozen peas.
they're good for you, probably, or something to that effect,-
but, more importantly,
they're absolutely mandatory for a proper potty-mouthed pie.
add the tofu, the veggies, and the roasted roots together,
dump 'em into that pastry-bottomed deep'a'role pan,
cover that with a cup of homemade gravy.
then roll out a lid of pastry hottness, complete with ventilation holes,
and decorate it as you deem appropriate.
i don't care for a bland-lookin' pie, guys.
i like 'em fancier.
i think that pretty food tastes better.
that's the truth. i doo-do that freaky sh!t, and activate the loveliness on the outside,
as well as within.
(for the record, i did reserve a cup of gravy for the post-bake lube-up.)
i know what's good.
bake that bottom-heavy baby b!tch for half an hour?
i dunno.
i didn't set a timer,
i just took it out when it looked good.
friends, baking is at least partially intuitive.
it's about feeling every bit as much as following a recipe.
i mean, for me, it's a LOT more about those feels,
because i could give a sh!t about a recipe.
i usually just remember as best i can about what i did,
and write it here for y'all to adhere to, or ignore, as you see fit.
fresh out of the oven,
it's devastatingly hot,
so give it a second to  rest, then saw off a raging wedge of this super-offical
slab of wintry, holiday-savage, hot fiery flavor-exxplosiveness!!!
and be sure to activate it with a few fresh parsley and green onion sprankles,
i mean,
you know the rules, buddy.
how good is it?
well, it'll stick to your ribs,
and it'll keep you warm in subzero fahrenheit temperatures, too.
i can attest to both, as they're happening right now.
the extra gravy was a good call.
it always is.
and the savory fresh herb essence?
you know that's expert af.
that still leaves us lacking the details of last night's elite elevenmas repast.
you can't have a partner-party, and then leave your kids out in the cold.
no way.
that's what jerks do,
not worthy warrior poets.
last night was family dinner,
and it was a dumpling party.
i guess that'll have to hold off until tomorrow,
because i've got bundling up to do,
and trudging and plodding through the strength-sapping snowpiles
of this woodsly northern forest realm.
shoutouts to crabtree for predictably being a real sunovab!tch the whole time.
i'm tense as heck in anticipation of his antics.
he's not ready,
i'm not ready,
and my darlings are still asleep upstairs.
their vacation means much more work for me.
this is it,
and while there's surely more to it than just this,
we're just waiting for events to unfold outward, and reveal the hidden messages
at the rate and clarity that they're predetermined to;
never quiet, never soft.....

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