EVERYTHING EXPERT!

tea.
mmhmm.
the secret ingredient is tea.
chai tea, specifically.
and the not so secret ingredient?
pumpkin.
OBvi.
pumpkin chai spice cake is just what it says it is, man.
and then, unstated, but totally accurate, it's also F*ing amazing.
...that's no joke.
i had some thai coconut chai tea.
in fact,
i have a whole LOT of chai-style spice packets hanging out
all over the place, in several cupboards here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
i do.
i mean, can you ever really have enough of it?
no way.
and besides, too much is the right amount.
yeah!
ANYway,
i made a very flavorfully spiced cake,
with special assistance from my special lady,
for her ma's berfday celebration family dinner sing-a-long party times.
yuuuuup.
i'm only slightly helpful, but i'm severely motivated to make sure all y'all mutha-'uckers
recognize the powerful excellence of cruelty-free vegan desserts.
word up.
take a look through the teleport,
and then i'll hit you with the play by play:

TEA 'N' TEA IS DYN-O-MITE!!!
mmmmmmmm.
and preliminary reports suggest it was a big hit at the party, too.
that's good news.
y'never wanna send a batch of sh!t-salad-suckery to a soiree.
that'd be embarrassing, and y'see, i'm not about that sort of thing.
do you want to make one of these?
you do?!
awesome.
here's how:
-
*
PUMPKIN CHAI CAAAAAAAAAKE!!!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
in the bowl of your most steadfast ally, the upright, upstanding, and righteous stand mixer,
combine:
1 stick (8T) vegan butter - earth balance is the best one;
1 cup sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 satchels chai tea (i used that thai jauns, y'all ca use ANY chai you like)
1 tsp vanilla bean paste (i love those little bean bits, man);
2/3 can pumpkin puree (10oz).
whip that into a frenzy,
so that all the butter and sugar and pumpkin are one airy pulp,
and then add:
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
3 cups flour;
1/4 cup maple syrup;
1 tsp cinnamon;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1 tsp bakin' powpow;
3/4 cup vegan nog (or non-dairy milk is you don't have access to holiday hottness)
whisk it all up, making sure it's a fluffy batter,
and spoon it equally into 2 greased and floured 8" cake pans.
bake 'em for 22-25 minutes, until a tester comes out of the center clean....
you'll need to cool them completely before you frost the thing,
but you can still start the frosting ahead of time, anyway...
-
*
CHAIMAPLECREAMCHEE' FROSTING!!!
-
in your reently rised and thoroughly dried stand mixer,
smash up:
1 stick softened vegan butter,
2 T vegan (tofutti) creamchee';
add 3 cups powdered sugar;
1 tea bag of chai (this time i used decaf bengal spice);
2 T maple syrup;
3-5 T holiday nog, or non-dairy milky equivalent, as needed, to get a fluffy frosting.
whipped on high, spread in between, the layers as glue,
and skim-coated around the whole surface.
yes, i used coloring to tint the frosting pinkish,
and yes, i actually had to add some coconut frosting i had on hand into the mix,
to make sure i had more than enough to get a baby bit fancy.
OH!
and kayla cut a circle out of the center for a secret special spillover surprise,
filled to the top with sprankles, and frosted over to stay hidden until cut.
pretty kyoot, bro.
these crazy kids do the darnedest things, am i right?
ha!
***********
it was a snow day, guys.
four or five inches of the kapow-powder falling on my head.
how much fun was my walk with crabtree?
well, it was slippery,
and cold, and the sun glaring off of the ice was definitely dangerous....
so, it was pretty much the first worst one of winter,
a few weeks earlier than the first official day.
yay!
the day stayed frosty, the studio stayed busy, and the weekend ended in blood and ink...
i DID tattoo a few big pieces,
on a few big fellas who'd braved the elements
on an hours-long drive down from out of the far north....
and then, we spanned the entire afternoon together,
before they trekked back up in the after-dark ice.
i'll bet that was a good time.
i'm grateful for repeat clients.
they keep coming in, and i get more psyched every damned time.
yes, they're all dudes.
no, that isn't what i would've preferred,
but,
you get what you get, man.
i have the opportunity to do so many more interesting tattoos,
only, they're ALL on burly dudes.
so, it turns out, that's the cost of being the kind of artist i s'pose i am.
i'm just not meant for the ladies of the north, it seems.
i'll try to persevere.
in fact, i'm determined to flourish.
me and all these dudes, remaining men, together.
there you have it;
never quiet, never soft.....