DUMPERS!!!

...and on XI-mas we feasted.
obviously.
that's sort of what we DO, dudes.
maple requested dumplings, days in advance,
so dumplings are what we had.
...and dumpling soup, too.
i mean, c'mon.
one kind of dumps is NOT enough,
not when radical expert vegan dumplestiltskins are sort of a heroic tradition
here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
the standards here are higher than everywhere else,
because we understand the prime directive:
just be dope, or F* right off.
it's as simple as that.
we bring the hot fire and the lightning, we bring the noise,
and we sure as sh!t dominate the sauces like bosses.
neighbors,
check the dumpy-dumper-type teleport:

DUMPS ON YOUR FACE!!!!
these jauns have the flavor you crave and savor,
so do me a favor and blast out a batch for yourself please,
just so you can confirm that my tradition is a good one.
you'll be glad you did,
and your bellyhole will lose it's mind, and your mind won't even mind that happening!!
friends, the toasted double sossamon sesame seeding of the dough is a nice touch.
really.
don't you agree?
pretty food seems to taste better, and ugly food is NOT invited to the party.
i guess our plates are pretty shallow, even when they're deep in the middle, if y'feel me...
so,
we have those righteous potsticky gyoza-type jauns ready to rock,
and the wontons coming atcha hella tight with scallions and seitan and garlic!
alright,
so we stuffed our faces on ace-level stuffed blumpers,
and none of us left the table hungry....
here's how it went down-
this way, you too can overindulge in excellence in the relative comfort of your own kitchen.
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DUMP DOUGH!!
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in a smaller mixing  bowl, combine:
1 1/2 cups flour;
1/4 tsp salt;
1 T two-tone sesame seeds;
1/3 cup warm water, and a few exxxtra T's, +/-, to reach a smooth doughy consistency....
knead it up well, for minutes on minutes,
and rest it, covered, on the counter for a few after that.
roll it out, and cut circles or squares with your preferred cutter or cup or knife,
uniformly forming the foundation of these filled and fulfilling floaters...
mmmm.
(leave out the seeds, and reduce the recipe for the soupy dumpy doughrolls)
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you're gonna need some fill-ups for the interior, kids-
here's what we made:
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POTTYSTIXXX INTERIOR!
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in a medium skillet, on high heat, with 2 sesame oil hot af inside,
saute:
3/4 medium onion, minced;
1 large carrot, minced;
3 cloves crushed garlic;
1 smaller head of bok choi, shredded;
1 block exxxtra-firm tofu, diced small;
3 cups shredded baby kale (it'll wilt down to like, a thimbleful)
ginger, GPOP, sesame seeds, ground mustard seed, black pepper;
a splash or two of soy sauce,
and equal dose of rice wine vinegar...
toss in a few raw green onion bits, and let it cool off, so it doesn't melt the wrappers.
smart.
a scoople of that, a fold, a pinch, and a few crimps in the seam,
plus a little time on the counter to firm up,
and you're suddenly ready for an exxxplosion of elite dumpledorian greyness!!
mmmmmmmm.
now, the cooking part is key here-
arrange the dumps quickly in three rows in your hot pan,
with a spoonful of searing sesame oil read to singe 'em-
let them fry up for three minutes,
then douse 'em with a dose of HOT water (like 2-3 T),
and lid the pan right away, to steam those suckers on all sides.
when the water is absorbed, turn every dumper on it's side,
and let that second surface get golden, too.
just like that, now they're ready to rock all of your socks...
y'can't beat it, and you're gonna wanna join forces with 'em right off.
congrats.
you're a dumplord from the future now.
the only thing missin'?
SAUCE!
yup.
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DIPPY DUMPY DOUCHE!!
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you need the flavor profile to be tight, but it's not exxxact science.
it's essentially soy/rice wine vinegar/sweet/spicy/sesame oil, in that order,
in roughly these proportions: 3:3:2:1:1
so, like, drop in a clove of crushed fresh garlic, and a dash of green onion,
a few sesame seeds and cracked black pepper, for sure;
but, also give it a scoochie springle of Garlic Powder and Onion Powder,
because if you ain't GPOPpin' you ain't cookin' for sh!t
the sweet could be straight-up sugar, or it could be agave (my personal preference)
the spicy?
sriracha if you want flavor, red pepper flakes if you just want heat...
really, you're the commander of the sauce strike force, man. so do what you like...
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i also need a second sauce.
rules is rules, and double-dippppzzz are a thing around these parts.
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HOT DUMP SAUCE!
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this one is easier:
3 parts sriracha, to 1 part soy sauce, to one part rice wine, plus one drop on liquid smoke,
a few sesame seeds, a touch of sesame oil, and ground mustard seed......
simple, but effective for activating extra levels of excellence in your skull.
word up.
***********
oh, and then we effed with that soup.
yeah!
we sorta HAD to.
after all, too much is the right amount,
and we're not trying to be weak little diaperbutt babyheads, are we?
no way.
we're on that big action,
and that family togetherness,
and that super-deluxxxe dinnertime active participation.
the soup was simple af, but soooooo good.
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'TON-'TON BROTH! 
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in a medium pot, boil up:
3 T minced onion;
6 chopped scallion bottoms (the light greens and whites);
1/2 large peeled chopped carrot;
3 T soy sauce;
3 T rice vinegar;
3 cups broth;
black pepper, red pepper flakes, salt.
get that bubblin', then add in three large handfuls of baby kale,
and your seitan-scallion wontonameras, until they float.
friends, that's so easy you can't mess it up!
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the seitan sh!t was simple, too.
1 1/2 cps minced seitan, one bunch of scallion greens, two cloves of crushed garlic,
plus soy sauce, GPOP, ground mustard and a touch of liquid smoke......
...
BRO,
these are the things that make a meal magical.
i even added pea shoot sprankles on top.
yes, i did.
i like it fancy, and i want to have a special time,
so a few extras are never a bad idea if the goal is special fanciness, right?
heck yes!
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we terrorized every last morsel.
we licked our fingers,
we cleared our plates,
and we spanned time as a team.
all of that equals expertism at it's finest,
and that all we really needed.
i am so very grateful for the time i get with all these girls.
this is IT, and that's that;
never quiet, never soft.....