Thursday, December 21


i got the big bags of berries.
and that means i had a LOT of 'em,
to use up as i saw fit.
and i thought to myself:
'dude, when's the last time you made a linzertorte?'
...i checked, and it's been a while
six+ months, in fact.
which got me thinkin'- how could i freak it off a little,
and make it something even more exciting to my face?
MORE berries, obvi.
and a little exxxtra-sexxxiness for the crust, too.
i think it worked.
what do you think?

it was buttery, it was brown sugary, it was tart, but sweet, and soft, yet somehow crisp,
and all of it was right there, ready to be consumed in huge gluttonous sharkbites....
which is precisely what happened.
too much is the right amount,
and taking down 75% of that sweet tart in one shot was definitely too much.
i had a tum ache, but it still felt like triumph.
that's no joke.
the berry filling was pretty simple, but it tasted complex.
that's the prime benefit of more than one berry, really-
they all bring something to the table that the others lack.
here's how you can make a little fulfilling filling at your house, kids:
on medium heat, in a medium pot,
break down:
1 cup frozen sliced strawberries;
1 cup frozen raspberries;
1 cup frozen blueberries;
1/2 lemon zest and juice;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp lemon extract;
1/2 cup powdered sugar;
2 T organic non-GMO cornstarch.
^^^you can make it while you're barely paying attention.
but, still pay attention, dummy, and don't burn it.
stir it, let it thicken, and let it cool, or it'll melt your dough.
and the dough on this sweet lil' baby b!tch is TILTY af, man.
check it:
in a medium mixing bowl, cream:
1 stick vegan butter;
1 cup brown sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 1/2 tsp almond extract;
1/2 lemon zest and juice;
1/2 tsp salt.
cut that all together, then add:
1/2 cup almond meal;
1/3 cup coarse oat flour;
1 1/2 cups flour;
2-3 T non-dairy milk, to bind it all into one cohesive dough.
knead it, chill it, roll it, and cut it to fit in a tart pan.
i got snowflakes, i got braids, i even got fancy laser-engraved rolling-pin patterns
produced by using a generous and thoughtful gift from my sister mary grace.
we got crust on the bottom, filling over that,
and fancy crusty shapes and sh!t on top,
plus a handful of big raw sugar crystal sprankles.
oh right, of course-
bake  it at 380℉ for somewhere around twenty- to twenty-five minutes.
you know how you like your treats, buddy.
don't let me dictate how golden your tarts should be.
the almond flavor is superb.
the fruit is decadently thick and sweet and tart.
the butter and sugar are right up front,
with a little back-end heartiness from the oats.
i'm not sayin' it's the perfect pre-winter treat.
.....the thing is, it just might be though.
if you can tell the truth,
you can do anything.
for some reason, which i'll assume has something to do with survival
at a primitive structured social neolithic evolutionary level,
we're hardwired to make life easier by droppin' a fib here and there...
maybe it's conflict avoidance/deferral mechanism?
i dunno.
i mean,
a little lie to get away from some undesirable act or consequence
certainly seems effective in the short term, doesn't it?
think about it:
saying NO is hard for folks, because it feels mean-spirited to refuse to participate
in acts and actions that other folks are amped on, but that don't mean sh!t to you,
and would essentially take time away from doing something (or nothing)
that you'd find more rewarding.
it's the source of that classic 'we'll see/lemme check/ i'll get back to you' answer.
because telling the truth is hard, i guess.
that's why yes is always yes,
but NO is almost always something else.
if you can overcome that bit of genetic behavioral programming,
you can accomplish anything.
like max with the wild things.
max said: NO.
and in spite of the terrible roars and teeth and eyes and claws,
he did what he wanted, and went where he wanted to get what he wanted, anyway.
he was also the wildest thing, and the king besides, and also make-believe,
yet i think you get the idea, right?
or like,
when somebody asks if you did that thing they told you to do,
and you say: yes.
....even though you didn't do it!
c'mon, man.
they're gonna find out, and probably pretty soon, at that.
honesty is the best policy, right?
or is that just what supervisory individuals instill in you,
to get you to tell on yourself?
getting in trouble is part of evolution.
you do a thing, that thing has consequences.
it's the fiber of the universe, man: cause & effect.
it all costs something.
if we're facing it with forward looking eyes,
and an innate sense of accountability hints at an understanding
of how truth works, on the larger scale.
and maybe that imparts a willingness to be better.
what i mean is-
you have the willpower to override cowardly self-preservation instincts,
and become MORE than the simple form who just wants to live,
and MORE of a worthy warrior poet who wants to flourish and THRIVE.
lies, man, are what keep you back.
the easy way is never the path to improvement.
without problems, there are no solutions.
it's cause and effect.
know what you want.
say what you mean.
do what you say.
you will NOT win any friends in the bargain, neighbors.
trust me on that one.
we all admire a straight shooter, unless they're aiming at us, right?
i admit i don't want to use any more time to write any more about this idea.
i've got other things to do that i care about more.
the point is:
truth tellers should never stop,
and lying is a choice.
so stop choosing that,
and turn yourself into someone who is a whole lot better,
albeit possibly less likable to the watery diaperbutt doo-doo babies
who keep lying to themselves.
the emperor isn't wearing clothes, friends,
and don't let anybody tell you otherwise;
never quiet, never soft.....

1 comment:

Beznarf27 said...

Its berry season here and its been a real good one. I am harvesting raspberries and youngberries from our garden and pretty soon it will be time to head out and start picking the (bollocking) blackberries that have been the bane of my life since we moved here. Nothing like eating the young of your enemy to reward you for days of endless labour removing them from 4 acres. Cheers for this excellent recipe, especially the linzer dough. I will be stashing this one away for when winter starts appearing and our big wood stove is lit again. She is hibernating at the moment as it's too hot here in Australia for baking indoors but I guess I could give it a go on our covered bbq (we do all of our summer cooking out there). Thanks again for the recipe :)