WINTER!!!

that solstice darkness.
that's what's up.
the longest length of lightlessness?
tight.
almost every other day has a twin, except the solstices.
they stand in opposition at both ends of light and dark.
today is the day, dudes.
the deepest darkest one.
it's NOT the shortest.
it's still 24 hours, take it easy.
nobody is getting cheated out of any minutes.
it's just the least bright bright bright.
that's okay.
i've got matches, and enough boxes to bonfire the holy hell out of the woodsly goodness.
that's the thing about online XI-mas shopping:
corrugated kindling arrives in abundance.
that's awesome, really, because i LOVE a good fire to commemorate a seasonal shift.
mmmmhmmm.
y'know what else i love?
PIE.
yuuuuuuuuup.
check the teleport:

WHAT THE EFF IS OATMEAL PIE, BRO!?!?
it's expert, that's what it is.
yes, indeed.
it's like pecan pie, sort of,
but with rolled oats instead of nuts.
yep.
nate's got the allergies.
no.
not then kill-you-to-death ones,
but more of the ouch-my-mouth-fell-off kind.
i'm not trying to get involved in any mouth removal;
so i substituted oats, to greater results than i'd have imagined.
guys!
it's got a black bottom, which is to say, melted chocolate underneath the oats,
and it's got chocolate chips in the mixture, too.
AND, there're cocoa sprankles on top,
seem like a good idea?
i know,
and i HAD to anyway, because too much is the right amount!
damned straight, bruh.
i don't bring the weak sauce to the party.
uh-huh.
i bring the F*ing PIE.
you want to make some?
i want you to.
here's the plan, man:
-
*
BLACK-BOTTOM CHOCO-CHIP OATMEAL PIE!!
-
preheat your oven to 400℉
-
prepare a crust, please.
the recipe is >> here <<.
-
prepare the filling, too.
that's the following:
5 T melted vegan butter;
1/4 tsp salt;
1/4 cup chocolate chips;
1/4 cup brown sugar;
1 cup thick rolled oats;
1/2 cup quick oats;
1/2 cup non-dairy holiday nog (it's SO GOOOOOOOD);
1/4 cup dark agave;
1 tsp vanilla;
4 T cup tapioca starch;
1/4 cup medium-flake unsweetened coconut;
2 T molasses;
4 T egg replacer starch powder + 4 T hot water, whisked until foamy and thiccc.
stir all of that up, and let it rest so that it's a pasty, soft solution.
add it in,
but only AFTER you blacken that bottom, bud.
-
i melted one large handful of chocolate chips with a splash of soy milk to emulsify 'em,
dropped in a little drip of vanilla, stirred it over low heat,
let it cool a little baby bit,
and spread it out onto the crimp-edged dough in my pie pan.
i decorated it with cut-out hearts.
mostly because i love oats, and also because i love pie.
it was lovely, to be sure.
a couple of exxtra chocolate chips on top,
and that cocoa for good measure had me ready to bake the heck outta this sweet circle.
i gave it thirty-two minutes.
who knows how long it'll take in your oven,
but take it out when it looks golden and crispy an' that.
c'mon.
you knew that already.
it's soft, and chewy, and rich, and thick,
and the chocolate is NOT overpowering at all,
but the subtle nog flavor is a real treat when it creeps up on your tastebuds.
did i eat half of this in one shot?
i did.
i'm a F*ing gross human being.
at first, it was amazing,
then, it got addicting,
and then it was just self-destructive.
there's nobody here to tell me NOT to tune up half a pie,
and i wouldn't listen to them anyway.
no way.
everything i like in one place, waiting for my face to feast on it?
who would limit themselves to a single slice,
especially when allll the slices are right there and there isn't anybody to share them with.
awwwww.
all i'm recommending is:
if you're conscientious about your weight and/or caloric intake,
maybe make this with some hungry people around;
that way there will be less of it to ingest individually,
and then perhaps you'll feel like less of a gorging gargantuan than i did.
it's just a suggestion.
***********
this is IT, though, bro.
the solstice.
the official first day of winter.
it's cold, it's dark,
and it's almost X & XImas.
more importantly,
it's the last day to get sh!t done before i head south to the small state called connecticut,
back to where i'm from, which is, in fact, SO far away from where i'm AT.
not physically, really.
it's only maybe 250ish miles or so from there to here.
but philosophically, the mountains are a whole other 'nother other universe
away from the place i used to call home.
HOWever,
my darling dear sweet youngest child is about to be sixteen years of age,
and that's a BIG deal anywhere.
so,
we're celebrating,
and commemorating,
and i'm bringing the cake with me.
it's ALL really happening, in successive sequential chain-reactive overreactions
that speak softer than the words i use to great effect when dealing with the big sticks
that i'm about to visit.
here's to winter.
here's to darkness.
here's to the natural fact that tomorrow is a brighter day,
even if it's supposed to F*ing snow on my head the whole time i'm headed south;
never quiet, never soft.....