CAKE IT!

just bake a cake.

...

that's my favorite option.

a quick bake up of a little cake-up activation, 

and most things get much improved for the effort.

maybe not my waistline,

but most other things, for sure.

it doesn't take a lot of time up front to make cake happen.

i mean,

while you're whipping up the batter, the oven is preheating;

and then, while it's becoming cake, you can go eff off elsewhere for a bit,

and do other stuff until the timer or your internal clock, 

remind you to remove it from that hotbox heat source.

right?

and if you're an expert, and you've got a stand mixer,

you don't even really have to so much besides measure.

what i'm sayin' is:

just bake a cake.

then, you get to have cake, man!

c'mon.

dudes,

i really like coconut a whole bunch.

i do.

and for the record: no, not the sulphured soggy stuff.

i don't hang out with chewy wet-dry strings of sadness.

i only get down with the unsweetened flakes.

i want real coconut texture and flavor, not those doo-doo strands that only grandmas buy.

ew.

and, i also like caramel, specifically caramelized coconut sugar.

(it already tastes sort of caramel, anyway)

which is just melted sugar in a pot, really.

that's pretty simple.....just don't burn it. 

if you know how to pay attention, you'll be fine and you'll have caramel gargamel hottness

all up in your ingredients.

what?

guys!

coconut and a little caramel and a minute or two of mixin' had me ready to rock,

and when i wanna rock, i rock around a ring of cake.

mmhmm.

that's real.

i combined the things, i spanned the time, i made the moves,

and when it was all said and done, i ended up with THIS:

TOASTY COCONUT RINGO UPSIDE DOWNER!! 

oh, yeah, that's chocolate drizzle,

and coconut frosting, too.

like, why wouldn't i go all out for the big deluxxxe, y'know?

word.

i put medium flaky coconut on the bottom of my ring pan,

and it toasted itself in the oven!

really, the top of this cake has sunken-in embedded toasty coconut 

turning UP the volume on being delicious to eleven.

you could probably make one of these at your house,
in your oven,
for your face,
and that's with or without caramelizing the sugar.
yeah, man.
cake is a good thing, and you really can't have too much of a good thing-
no matte what the nancy-pantsy diaperbabies tell you.
trust me:
too much is the right amount.
and that's even more true when we're talking about cake.
here's the way to go, if you're inclined to go full ring cake any time soon:
-
*
COCONUT ON COCONUT ON COCONUT CAKE!!
-
preheat your oven to 360℉
-
in your incredible handy stand-up stand mixer, cream together:
1 stick (8T) vegan butter;
1/2 cup fresh ground coarse coconut meal;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
3/4 cup coconut vanilla yogurt;
1.2 cup raw sugar;
1/2 cup caramelized (melted) coconut sugar
-like i said, you don't have to melt it, but it adds some serious flavor-
-
to that soupy slop, you'll need to add:
2 cups flour;
4 T tapioca flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
one tasty punch of medium flake unsweetened coconut;
1 cup non-dairy milk. (drinking style coconut, preferably, but anything will suffice)
-
whisk it into an airy, lofty, slightly gritty batter,
but,
before you spoon it into your well-greased ring,
you'll want to lay down a heavy layer of that unsweetened coconut first.
...dudes!
it toasts in the pan, and it makes the top sort of like a samoa cookie,
especially after you've baked this bad baby boy for 40-50 minutes, or until it's golden,
and completely baked throughout the crumb,
and you've drizzled some melted dark chocolate on top.
i mean,
the bottom coconut becomes inset flip-over topside sprankles,
and the chocolate seals the deal.
that's expert.
and like, what else do you even need?
ohhhhhhhh, you're right.
we're gonna need frosting!
mmmmmmmmmmmm.
i mean, we can see it ON top of the cake.
i should've taken that into account a second ago...
coconut frosting has me in it's throes, bros.
it's so flippin' good, and so creamy, and so rich,
and it certainly adds another 'nother dimension of flavorful complexity,
extrapolated off of one constant theme, to the betterment and increased enjoyment
of your mind and body with every single bite.
and that's no joke.
-
* 
FROSTY COCONUT WHIP-UPS!
-
in your well-rinsed stand mixer,
whisk ferociously:
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar;
3 T vegan butter;
1 tsp coconut extract;
2-3 T finely, fresh-ground coconut meal;
and 3-4 T non-dairy milkymilk....
maybe a dash more, or less, depending on how creamy you're aiming all your frosting sights.
-
i just love a good cake, kids.
and what's more, i love to make them myself.
i have a few signature dishes that i repeat somewhat regularly,
but with increasing frequency, i'm freakin' it off, and adjusting, tweaking,
and generally messing with the recipes in my head,
trying to get new and better results from the same ingredients,
and reaching for an elusive secret special SOMEthing i'm hoping to find
through rigorous experimentation.
i guess i take my morning rituals a little more seriously than i let on sometimes.
ha.
there is a quest i'm on, and it involves seeking a nirvana of alchemical manipulation.
i've got ingredients lined up like spell components,
and i've got a steel cage instead of a summoning circle to invoke the powers of
transformative earth, wind and fire.
you may just call it baking,
and that's your own limited and shortsighted viewpoint.
i'm on some ultra-universal visionquest sh!t with a trajectory arcing
from my kitchen counter towards the ever-expanding outer limits of time and space.
yup.
all that just from some cake making every morning.
pretty cool, right?
i know.
then again,
it may just be the full-moon residual aftershocks makin' me see lunar astrophysics
where really there's just a slice of cake.
damn.
i guess i'll just keep doing this thing,
and either way, i'll have treats to eat,
whether or not i end up on the astral plane for my efforts;
never quiet, never soft.....