Monday, July 31


they're scones.
the secret's out, dudes.
rectangle scones,
with less wet stuff,
and more fruity stuff.
a.k.a. breakfast bars.
i mean,
they look like they might NOT be scones,
but they're totally scones.
they taste amazing.
and they're super flaky, and fruity, and chocolaty.
and all of that is effing expert.

here's the thing, friends.
i'm busy.
really busy.
and all of the things i have to do have to get squeezed into the spaces between
my high-maintainence maniac of affectionately attention-seeking stormswept
raging, romping, far-roaming terribly terrific terrier,
and a whole unholy sh!t-ton of existing tattoo appointments,
and both of those  bookends actually take up most of the mutha-flippin' library so to speak.
so, when it's very early,
and i'm up and about,
i've got maybe an hour to do something for myself.
i could read.
i should read.
...and i would read,
IF i had the undivided focus and quiet-space inside my skull to start eating words.
i've not got time to indulge in the cerebral sustenance of books these days.
and that's a huge loss, which i genuinely feel from my nose to my toes....
that's the trade-off, kids.
i DO have the ability to multitask a whole mess of treats while i'm corresponding,
and researching, and hunting online for all the excellent exxtras and eccentricities
that'll turn up the super-fresh new new hottness
over at AMPERSAND TATTOO to eleven.
it's all the details that i obsess over and that eats up HUGE swaths and tracts of time.
fortunately i can stir and click in a roughly contemporaneous parallel.
but, you might just want to make some rectangle scones, huh?
i mean, breakfast bars.
i went for a rustic chunky seasonal sexxiness with these,
and it works well when it's all up inside your face.
munchably magnificent morning mealtime cereal-grain goodness is in full effect over here.
make it yourself:
preheat your even to 400℉.
in a medium mixing bowl,
1 stick (8T) earth balance butterish;
3 T vegan creamchee' (tofutti rules);
1/2 tsp salt;
2 1/4 cups flour;
1/2 cup oat bran;
1/4 cup wheat bran;
1/2 cup thick rolled oats;
2 tsp baking kapowder;
1 tsp baking soda;
4 T tapioca flour.
cut that all in together, until it's thoroughly chopped up and crumbly,
then, add:
1 1/2 cups pitted chopped juicy-A* cherries;
3/4 cup chocolate chips;
1/2 cup non-dairy milk;
2 tsp vanilla.
fold and flip and turn and fold and flip and so on, until you've got all the dry bits
integrated into one multi-tiered damascus doughball.
on a WELL floured surface, hand-flatten the whole thing down to about a 1" rectangle,
cut it lengthwise, and then make all those bars, broski.
hit the tops with oats and chocolate chips, if you're cool like that,
then freeze 'em for five-ten minutes,
before baking them for 22 more.
you WILL be psyched on these.
unless you're terrible,
and then,
you'll just still be terrible
and that's your right, buddy.
don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
stay terrible,
and we'll all be over here, away from you, being dope,
and eating scone bar breakfast jauns.
there're archetypal templates these days for standardized tattzap shack appearances.
you've got your irritating art-A*-hole nostalgic-victorian jauns;
and then there's the traditional-throwback-too-many-11 x 14"-framed-images-of-tattoo
-flash-only-other-tattooers-care-about no wall space left open style spot;
lots of fat guys work at these places, more often than not.
and also the anything-with-skulls-and-black-furniture-black-everything-
black-t-shirted overly loud metal shop.
those are just a few of the standard varieties.
and, i mean, all that's totally great...if that's what you're after.
you can easily get a hold of any of that,
and feel comfortable, which is actually cool,
because the space seems to dictate the clientele-
i want something else.
a workspace that encourages completely immersive performance.
that's no joke.
that full-body sensory surround sound high-def delicious dopeness
is all i'm even thinking about.
all the aspects of the interior are being considered.
and those devils and demons who drip their dweomer into the details
are all being summoned and conjured and called upon to keep the place
especially expert,
beyond what the casual client has sampled so far.
that's no joke, either-
the woodsly goodness is my domain,
and the wizardly museum called the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is my home,
but AMPERSAND will be my home away from home,
so you KNOW i've got to make it someplace i want to be.
it's all really happening,
and that's really good news.
too much is the right amount,
and that's all i've been amassing since i signed the lease;
never quiet, never soft.....

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