Sunday, July 9


y'know what's even better than the big B?!
an even bigger B, with the family!!
hold on, now;
y'know what sobers up that sentiment super quickly, tho?
when these kids are too effin' tired to effectively appreciate
the big breakfast time fancypants munch-up activation experience.
and that's with a wake-up call hours and hours after my own rising and shining,
with time allotted for french-style bath-soaking for bread and sh!t, too.
you know me, don'tcha?
i get up, get at it, and munch up somethin' tasty to fuel my
dervish whirlwind-type tasmanian tornado of devilish doings...
i don't know how y'all're livin',
on the ones,
WTF is up with these two teen girls right now?
languorously lounging with lackadaisical languidity in the vacationy vale
of my fo' real forest realm in these woodsly goodness....
i mean, they're actually ON vacation.
and that's right next to me.
while i race around planning and plotting and preparing,
pouring off movie checks like water,
these dudes are doing crazy stuff-
like going to bed early, and sleeping in.
too weird.
also, NOT what i'd intended for the team, y'feel me?
...."i can't eat too early"
that was actually said, out loud, to my face, as these nerds picked at their plates.
i guess waking up to epic breakfast is not how they're livin'.
i'm two seats away on some next-level potato-roastin'.
and while i truly elevated my french toast game to eleven,
i don't know if they noticed.
*shoutouts to ego checks*
so, what was on the menu?
take a peek, neighbors:

thick cut homemade spelt sourdough bread!!
it's goooooooooood.
and when it gets dunked and saturated with the SAUCE?
it's expert as heck.
the crumb was strong enough for prolonged immersion,
and the whole of the toast scene benefited from the exxxtra helping of wetness.
what did i do differently?
i'll gladly tell you all about it:
in a medium bowl,
combine 1 cup non-dairy milk;
2 T sugar;
2 tsp ea. ground flax and chia;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp cinnamon;
1 T arrowroot;
4 tsp nutritional yeast;
(i stirred in 2 tsp egg replacery potato starch, too,
but i don't know how much more awesome it actually added)
2 T melted plat-based butter.
whisk it all up, and let that sh!t activate-with all that thickening wizardry
doing what it does best...y'know, thickening.
i double-dunked five fat slices of that sexxy sourdough,
and then i dunked 'em again.
i fired them up on a medium heat skillet, with MORE earth-balance buttery yummers,
and let 'em slowly sizzle for a few minutes on each side.
honestly, it was the best i've ever had.
i attribute the bread as the main component of the new hottness,
with the subtle alterations to the dip as contributing, but to a lesser degree.
and you'd best believe i didn't leave it at that!
real new hampshire maple syrup?
rules is rules, man.
and bananas?
i doo-do that freaky sh!t on the regular.
but, what about that strawberry compote?!
that stuff was absolutely necessary.
in a little pot, over medium low heat, combine:
1 1/2 cups sliced frozen strawberries;
1/2 tsp vanilla;
2 T agave;
1/2 tsp lemon zest;
2 T lemon juice;
2 T arrowroot.
it'll get wet, then it'll get thick, then it'll be ready.
if you eff that up, reassess your life.
i love a good potato in the morning.
and good being subjective,
my personal preference is exxxtra-crispy.
i'm a crispy boy at heart, and when it's time to do the thing,
i do it as hard as i can...
oven roasted 'tatoes, skins-ON,
with olive oil, pink salt, black pepper, and GPOP,
at  400℉ish, for as long as it takes to get 'em golden on the edges.
that's the thing of it, kids.
preroasting is the numero uno contributor to crispy jauns.
i used to boil 'em first, because then they're soft and smooth.
i think that was for someone else's benefit.
eff that noise, boys.
...i want that crisssssspy businessssssssss.
with red onion, and a pat of vegan butter,
and smoked paprika for days,
garnished with green onion sprankles?
a good homeboy fry-up is always guaranteed to get the morning powered up properly.
so much so,
that these tired teenagers couldn't break my stride at all.
not even with their half-hearted attempt to fork up my most important meal of the day...
and then there's that scrambo.
oh! how i love tofu.
and oh! how i love turmeric.
and when they hang out together?
scram, kid, but don't go anywhere.
a little onion, a handful of black beans, some GPOP and nootch,
a dash of smoky paprika, and a glug of olive oil
had my crumbles kickin' it like a karate man.
expert is as expert does, friends.
and i have to say my scramborghini is a performance vehicle for sure.
how much did the cilantro help?
too much is the right amount, so what do YOU think?
and then there's those baconical pinky rounds, cananda-style,
for familiarity and fun for these kids.
AVOCADO for the children, and for the win.
that's the stuff, right?
i'm just sayin'-
it's not called the big B for being a big b!tchass.
work work work.
have you ever tried to be in three places at once?
it's next to impossible.
barring full-sized duplication, which is even more difficult than cloning,
and/or time travel, which seems to only work in a forward direction,
i don't think i can be all the places i need to be,
nor do i think i ca focus completely on all the tasks i need to master.
don't get it twisted-
i'm not slackin'.
i'm just suddenly running late always,
after a lifetime of being early...
it's not dope, but it is really happening.
that means adjustments must be made.
for example-
today, we're having sour cream coffee cake,
with a cinnamon oatmeal coconut streusel top,
and fresh fruit for breakfast.
it's ready whenever they are-
not too early, or too soon, or whatever.
...and that frees up time to walk the dog a little further,
before i head in headlong to another 'nother very full day of work,
which will be after we head to the grocery store for essentials and consequentials-
i've got things to do before they rise and/or shine,
and i'm doing all of them the second i stop typing.
which is about five seconds from now;
never quiet, never soft.....

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