Tuesday, July 4


i made a cake for a friend who seriously is the biggest diaperbaby about food.
and when you're being nice to somebody who literally likes about three things
you get to skip all the fancy dazzlers and sparkle magic,
in favor of white and brown and regular-A* sh!t.
i was trying to be kind.
and to be fair, the cake was tasty.
i couldn't leave it all boring, and i freaked it off a little anyway.
y'see, rules is rules,
and even when it's regular,
it can't be F*ing lame.
it's sort of like when clients come to the tattoo studio with their phone,
all psyched to show me a picture of some regular-A* sh!t i've seen before,
like, earlier in the day, maybe, from some other other regular-A* folks.
here's the thing:
you CAN have that same-same, instead of the new-new,
but there's no chance it isn't getting drawn on and activated
with my from-scratch homemade marky-markerline touches.
i gotta do it.
and not because i love you.
far from it.
it's because i have a system for making tattoos,
just like i have a system for making cakes.
y'can't just not give a sh!t, unless you're a piece of sh!t.
and being a piece of sh!t is bad for you, neighbors.
...so don't do that, obviously.
it's all really happening, and it's all connected.
the guiding tenet of both?
just be dope, or F* right off.
at any rate,
i definitely did some nicer regular-A* tattoos,
and i definitely made a nicer regular-A* cake.
i took a picture of one of those things:

WHITE CAKE for scaredy cats.
see what i mean, tho?
skim-coated thick exxxtra-sugar white frosting,
and fluffy chocolate hottness, too-
in addition to my frosting struggles,
i used some of those little baby butterfly biscuits, too.
those brown-sugar snaps are damned good,
and they added a little exxxtra hottness to what could've been a yawnfest
had i not stayed true to mu infinite nature.
really, what choice did i have?
nature wins, man.
that's a thing.
well, yeah, there's oreo-style cookie crumble sprankles.
what do you think i am?
some sort of doo-doobutery diaperbaby?
no way.
i know what has to happen,
even when i'm baking for the blandest palate on the planet.
two layers of cake, with icing cement in the center,
and all those accentuations on the surface.....
...that's the best i could do.
the cake?
well, it's basically the same as the last few.
look back a post or three, i'm sure you can find the recipe.
i'm just sayin', a little search won't kill you.
am i grillin' today?
i dunno.
do i have charcoal?
will it have to be on actual hot coals?
these are the questions i have to ask.
do i wanna bake bread for bunning up my beige protein sources?
who knew i'd be so underprepared?
(honestly, i knew, but whatever)
today is the kind of day where most people do some regular-A* sh!t.
i'll likely stay home,
and do some necessary tasks,
maybe mow a little lawn,
and pasta a little salad.
we'll see where the hours take me.
i've already run through three since i woke up,
and it's already 8 a.m.-
but i've been a busy bee, b.
with cupcakes and bread and pastry dough,
and online hassles and correspondences......
there's always more to do,
and there's never enough time to do it in.
that's adulthood,
that's real life,
that's IT;
never quiet, never soft.....

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