Saturday, July 29


put a smile on my face ten miles wide!
cherry pie, duders.
for reals.
here's the thing, though-
i didn't even sample on small slivered slice!
i gave the whole dang thing to somebody.
that's right.
i have no idea if it even tasted any good.
that's the truth.
could've even been terrible. maybe-
a rotten gift to trick somebody with....
i'd be surprised if that was the case.
i mean,
it's got all the stuff you'd think you want:
sugar. vanilla. cherries. pastry.

i pitted all the dark juicy fresh cherries,
and i soaked them overnight in a vanilla-bean sugar bath,
so that they could marinate in their own excellence for a while.
with powdered sugar and organic non-GMO cornstarch,
just to keep the whole thing from totally dripping juice all over the damned place
(which it still tried it's hardest to do anyway).
guys, legit, it was just 1/2 cup powdered sugar, 4 T cornstarch, 2 tsp vanilla bean paste,
and 4 1/2 cups halved, pitted cherries.
refrigerated overnight, and activated in the early a.m.because that's when we bake around here.
y'all want the expert vegan pastry magic recipe again?
here it is:
in your mandatory magnificent food processor,
pulse together:
10 T vegan butter;
3-4 T vegan creamchee';
1/4 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
3 T raw sugar;
2 1/4 cups flour;
enough non-dairy milk to bind it, added 1 T at a time,
until it all clumps together when pressed.
you want it lumpy, for superior flakes,
not doughy, for crap-A* dense doo-doo.
be careful.
wrap and refrigerate it overnight, or for just an hour, if you;re impatient or whatever.
roll it shape it and bake it in a tin/.pan/whatever,
at 410℉, for twenty something minutes,
or until you're satisfied with the color of that buttery big action.
when you're making pies, make 'em pretty.
nobody likes ugly food, unless they're a little bit ugly on the inside.
i'm more of an ugly on the skin, but wet and red within, kind of guy.
sort of like this pie,
except it's lovely on the golden, sugar sprankled exterior,
and juicily red on the interior...
too much is the right amount.
except for working.
i'm working an awful awful lot.
like, it's awful,
and it's only likely to get even more so.
soon, it'll be a seven-day extravaganza, sunup and onward and upwards,
every week,
until my annexed Folk Life fiefdom is fresher than fresh,
and turning a tremendous profit.
where do i find the time?
that's easy.
i have nobody and nothing else to worry about around here,
so outside of making food, there's work and more work, and then some more work after that.
that's a hard style, huh?
well, don't worry, kids-
i've got my select and precious few friends who are present and participating,
and i've got crabtree.
shoutouts to my F*ing dog, bro.
he's my full-time boundlessly energetic burdensome buddy,
but he contributes very little in the way of help.
i s'pose i always have one of those around,
although they're usually more vocal, and vicious, and vindictive and venomous.
i guess it's shoutouts to girls allowed for a while either.
i'm on some steady nonstop grind-date makin',
and i've got jus enough time for dinner, or a pie,
before i'm back on my hard-headed heavy-duty pursuit of......
..not happiness, but mabe achievement, or something like it.
i'll take what i can. where i can, until i've gotten all that i want;
never quiet, never soft.....

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