Saturday, August 6

cheek ache?

no, dummy-
not cheek ache;
i don't mess around with that weak-sauced-out b!tchbaggery, bro.
no way.
when it's time to rock this funky joint?
i'm on point.
check the chocolate-chocolate-chocolate-chee'-type teleport:

i got chocolate graham crax, by the stax, and i crushed 'em into coarse powder
by the power of the food processor.
a teaspoon of vanilla, three consecutive splashes of soymilk,
a few Tablespoons of melted earth balance (like 3-4),
and i had myself a proper crust mix,ready for impressing and pressing into a tall tart tin.
word up.
i baked it for 11 minutes at 350F,
and let it cool while i made the filling.
and that filling is the big action big business that gets busy in the back section!
one and a half tubs of vegan creamchee',
a heavy squeeze of lemon,
2/3 cup powdered sugar,
1/3 cup tapioca,
2 T a.p. flourb
one blarpity bloppy block of silken tofu, pressed as dry as possible,
and a steady blend in the processor until it's all in together now.
i reserved half, as i always do,
and then added a half a cup of cocoa to the party,
and made a very convincing chocolate hottness explosion within these walls, y'all.
i mean it.
brown on the bottom,
standard-issue chee' on top,
both stacked on that impressively black crust,
all baked in that same 350F oven for about 33 minutes or so.
(it keeps cooking even after it's out of the oven, i'm told)
that's good.
lucky for me,
i've been brutally, blisteringly, blindingly, busy single-parenting my puppy.
well, it's lucky because i wasn't just staring at that masterpiece,
waiting for it to cool enough to take it to eleven.
when it was the right temperature and firmness,
i melted some chocolate chips, powdered sugar, vanilla, and soymilk in a pot,
and whipped it into a spot-on ganache glaze, which is obviously latticed across the surface.
that's expert.
so is that chocolate-coconut frosting halo around the rim.
you know how i do it:
too much is the right amount.
and THAT'S why i grated a quarter of a chocolate bar into sprankles on top.
what else could i have done?
rules is rules,
and if it's worth doing right,
it's got to be worth overdoing even righter.
food is my salvation.
if i make something, and it works, and it's tasty,
then everything is going to be alright.
if not, i can easily adjust and amend the recipe, or lack thereof,
and impose the will of a worthy warrior poet on these pots and pans.
today is the day,
and it's going to be a big one.
there's so much to do,
and i can't believe i haven't gotten more done already.
i guess i gave the opposing forces a headstart,
but once i build a head of steam,
the headlong headstrong hot fire juggernaut
of ragnarokin' albie rock showboating showman(viking long)ship
is surely going to do some damage.
i get a baby bit edgy when times get tough,
and that only makes the steady spout of lava-spat lyrical linguistics
spew forth a lot louder, and a whole unholy helluva lot faster.
i'm running behind a bit,
and i can already feel the bass-boosted decibels buidling in my belly.
it's sure to be a sight and sound for sore eyes and ears today.
i'd better begin with a much bigger breakfast than i'd originally bargained for;
never quiet, never soft.....

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