Saturday, August 6

getting dumped.

i started early.
i did.
in the morning, in between gluten-chain development in my white bread sourdough,
i got a few things in place to make the big action flow a bit smoother.
that's real.
in fact,
i've been pre-portioning a few things in advance,
in order to keep the momentum moving forward in the clutch.
that's smart.
i had my flour and salt and wheat gluten ready when i woke up,
and i had a batch of proprietary new test-batch blended flour ready when i got home,
as well as a flavorful filling that turned out fresh-to-death.
when it's time to get dumped on,
i'm in no way about to administer anything other than the loudest, freshest, and hardest
batch of individually expert, collectively elite plump pouches of pure hottness.
real talk.
tell you what-
we'll get into detail right after you check the plumpy-d-type teleport:

i put some coolwater crunchers on that plate.
i mean,
i added a whole lot of cayenne and crushed red pepper
to the oil in which i simmered those suckers,
and spicy sometimes tastes better with a little cool-off in-between bites.
that's a thing.
so, there's cukes, and pea tendrils, and silantro, and sprouts, hangin' out.
that's not what you came to see.
you're here for the garlic-and sesame oil-seared broccolini,
with giant fried garlic slice sprankles.
so good.
straightforward deliciousness,
with the sesame oil and the garlic doing their dirty work.
and those crawnchy green stalks keeping it molto real for the win.
i had to add some leafier greenery.
i wanted it, man.
soy-glazed braised bok choy, with toasted sossamon sesame magic!
the ingredients did all the heavy lifting.
i'm not complaining.
and those DUMPS??
dumps on your face are in place.
i made eighteen dumplings, i ate eighteen dumplings,
and i did it in a hurry.
i had to.
there're other things happening that require immediate attention.
at any rate,
i combined black beans, firm tofu, garlic, onion, GPOP, shredded cabbage, soy sauce,
ginger, rice wine vinegar, ground mustard seed, a splash of liquid smoke,
cayenne, coriander, and scallions together,
and made that filling as fulfilling as possible.
it was super good.
mostly, i was just tossing what we had into a pan, and cooking it up.
the dough, tho, broski-
that's the ticket.
the doughski recipee-pee
half a cup of flour,
a quarter cup of ground brown rice,
a quarter cup of white rice flour,
a tsp of xantham, a teaspoon of salt,
and a half a cup of warm water.
that's it, and that's right.
firmer, heartier, and crispier dump-dough was on the docket,
and it did what i wanted it to.
garnished with scallion, cilantro, and sossamon jauns,
i made sure to observe the prime directive:
just be dope.
i doo-doo that freaky sh!t.
the custom sauce was off the chain.
soy, sesame oil, powdered sugar, GPOP, ginger, rice wine vinegar,
ho'sauce, black pepper, and scallions took it to eleven.
there's no question my dumpling styles are coming correct.
it all fit in place like it was s'posed to.
that's expert, and that's what happened.
you know why i'm ok with those things going smoothly with minimal interference?
because i've not got the time to eff around with vegetables.
nope. not at all, y'all,
because my little mango, crabtree, is very sick.
very sick indeed.
he had repeat performance of his recent poopfest explosion.
that meant a dirty defecation destruction zone took over the living room,
and my white dog was eleven shades of sh!t.
i don't know what else he ate,
that may still be hiding out withing the walls of his terrible tummy,
but i do know tha i didn't put him IN his crate with several pairs of knotted,
stained panties, lint, bark, and enough cardboard to choke a recycling plant.
he didn't eat that since we've been alone here together,
so i wonder and worry about how long hat stuff was fermenting,
and what sort of sharklike tendencies cause that reaction.
and also,
and also,
awwwwwww, man!!
the poor little guy is beside himself
we didn't sleep last night.
i was too worried, he was too weary from launching liquid fury from his wrinkle-dot.
real life is not a ton of fun,
but my small friend is in need,
and we're off to the vet in just a moment.
wish us luck;
never quiet, never soft.....

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