Tuesday, July 19


holy crap, kids-
it's been a little minute since i last made pizza.
that's not to say i haven't tuned up a ton of pizza pie in the interim,
just that the homestyle jauns were absent since the 4th!
that's too dang long, duders.
in the interest of making the magic happen,
and saucing up the sorcery of kitchen wizardy all the way to eleven,
last night was the well-nigh, perhaps high-past time for a supersized
customized high-hydration dough is dope-
i went heavy on the semolina, and added wheat gluten,
to ensure it was stretchy, and crawnchy, and expert.
the dough was on point,
so that just left the assembly up to us.
ampy-d was right on top of the mise en place.
so much so that i only had a few little tweaks and twerks to work out,
while i marveled at the splooshy consistency of our makeshift-silken-underchee'.
that's a molto wet variation,
it sure bakes up sooo nicey-nice in a HOT hot oven.
and the hottness wasn't just in the steel firesquare, either.
no way.
it spilled out onto three half-and-half howitzers
of high-power cannonfirin' crucial pizza partytime power!!!!
we'll start at the beginning,
and check the g-darn-type teleport:

get that corn outta my face!!!
the split pie big time optimized option action is my new favorite.
it's essentially MORE kinds of pizza, only faster.
on the one side, there's crispy-edged brussels sprouts,
over caramelized onions,
with fried garlic sprankles ( a new mandatory item over here);
and then, on the other half,
there's those grape tomatoes, sweet mini red pepper rings,
and grilled sweeeeet corn,
a finishing move of scallion and red onion spranks!!!
it's a pure-being in-the-moment burst of oneness with the world,
with crushed tomatoes, daiya mozzerella, and underchee' holding it down below.
that's right.
and that's just the third of it.
check it out:

broccolini is like more exxxpensive, rangy broccoli,
that makes it better in my book.
fancier and uglier is sort of my thing, y'know?
so, when i can fire up soem onions, tomatoes, brox, sauce, chee' and underchee',
all at once?
i gotta do it to it.
i mean,
pizza is as pizza does, and if you aren't doo-dooin' it as hard as you can?
you're probably an A*-hole, and i'll never really love you.
oh, and the right hand side?
i got a real white pie wonder poppin' off.
underchee', and daiya,
fried red potato crisps, grilled leeks, fried garlic sprankles,
and fresh red onion for the victory!
damn, friends.
that's the ticket to the ovenly valhalla of victual virtuosity,
too much is the right amount,
and that's why there's still a whole other 'nother other one.
check it:

i love pizza.
it's a very satisfying thing to make.
start to finish,
from the first activation of the yeast, in my secret sugarwater flaxmeal nutrient bath,
all the way past the cold proof, and the preheat, and the mise en moflippin' place-
i get psyched every single time,
and this last time, right here, is no exception, although it is exceptional.
i got that margherita jammie, with tomato, cashew-garlic chee' on the top and bottom,
and garden fresh basil,
this one with the onion scraps from all the other halves dropped on there, too-
because i like onions, because onions have ALL the flavor man,.
you know that.
and homemade vegan sausage, and onions,
with our traditional underchee', daiya, and crushy-crushed 'matoes.
with the breadcrum/parm style nootch-boost to take it to eleven.
just like i always say we will.
i'm all about that molto classico, yo.
the delicious levels are off the meter.
the crust could've been just a little bit less bready,
but i'll attribute that to four pies' worth of dough,
and only three pizzas worth of toppings.
next time,
you'll see it really become something supreme.
so i had a little exxtra doughski dopeness,
but it didn't actually hurt anything.
the tops were top notch,
and the crispiness was upper tier, too.
when it's time to (albie)rock a (pizza)party,
i do what i do because that's precisely what i'm here for.
if you're not into pizza,
i feel bad for you, son.
this sort of meal is the TRUTH,
and while it's a bit of a labor,
it's a labor of LOVE,
and that makes it matter more,
as well as totally worth every second of effort.
i hope your dinners are as delicious,
your intentions every bit as elevated,
and your gluttony as boorishly wild boarish
and as feeding-frenzied sharklike as ours.
the indulgence is real,
the work is tough but it's fair;
never quiet, never soft....

No comments: