Monday, July 25

vive le france

i've got a little bit of that francais DNA banging around
inside my primarily italian framework-
it's true.
my dad brought a little bit of mixed-mutt hybrid vigor to the genetic party,
and it's been the primary catalyst in any and all super-weirdie tendencies
that my sisters, our children,and myself have exhibited.
when all else fails, blame the parents.
knowing that there's some sort of sacre bleu-blood pumping through these pipes
had me excited for some sacre bleu beluga lentil beans.
(^that's pronounced wee, not oh. you. eye., you drunken turds)
i had a vision for our dinnertime family togetherness,
and the whole family got involved!
that's the truth-
those dudes started the prep and the preheat, and the parbake,
all before i arrived to tie the room together,
what did we have, besides those itty-bitty black and blue protein pebbles?
we had it ALL, y'all.
check the evil-eyeful-tower-type teleport:

four corners of intensity!
we rocked an herb crusted seitan steak,
covered in starch, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, nootch, GPOP,
ground mustard, black pepper, and sea salt,
and fried 'em in butterish to get the skins all crisp.
that sat on shredded red and green cabbage.
my homeboy mentioned that different shapes make different tastes,
and that paper thin as-is slaw really tastes way better.
i added a few radishes, for zing, because i'm unafraid of that sort of thing,
and i topped the whole stack off with roasted golden beets.
the tiniest little yellow dirtbombs, oiled, salted, and slow roasted until fork tender!
in each bite, there was a triumph of tastes and textures,
....and that was just one quadrant of this quartet!!!
baked potato slices are flippin' expert.
kids like potatoes.
also also, i like potatoes.
medium-width red skin-on jauns, with olive oil, salt, and peps,
baked above the beets,
crisped to the max,
stacked on stacks of stacks,
and zipped up with parsley sprankles.
we doo-doo that 'tatoey sh!t at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
high quality ingredients, higher quantity servings,
heaps of helpful helping,
and variety, just because we have a system up here:
too much is the right amount.
-and that brings us to the lentils.
beluga frenchies, the little delicate dark-skinned dots of hottness,
boiled in better-than-bouillon broth,
and sauteed up with garlic and carrots,
then taken to eleven with parsley and minced sharp red onion.
 we made enough for these nerds to tune up for lunch today,
mostly because only i knew which lentils i was asking them to get ready.
ummm, yeah.
when i say 'the darkest lentils in the plastic bag',
that doesn't mean any bag of lentils.
y'see, while that IS technically accurate, provided you didn't grab red lentils,
there are other bags, and darker beans,
that, with just a teentsy bit of effort,
would reveal themselves as far MORE accurate.
there was a minor miscommunication, which, with mobile phone cameras,
should NOT be happening unless you just don't give a sh!t.
....i hope that this group of goodsly woodspeople appreciated
the delicate and distinct flavor and texture of the proper beans,
and that when they are munching up the lessers today,
they understand the difference.
i'm SO sure they'll care.
womp womp.
the little things that i obsess over are truly personal perils, and nothing else.
at any rate,
we have a lot of lentils,
and every lentil is a worthy protagonist of incomparable power.
i think i need to overemphasize the superiority of that garlic bread.
that stuff is BOOOMFIRE!!!
oil-and-terracotta-cloche roasted whole clove garlic,
mashed, and spread, with the oil,
on freshly-baked homemade sprouted whole wheat sourdough?!?!?
the second roasty toast on that stuff made the whole crispy crunchy crackle
explode into the universe, and forever change the landscape of infinity.
good garlic bread is a blessing.
real talk.
and good bread?
you already know about THAT.
check it out:

i mean,
we demolished almost 2/3rds of a long loaf,
from cool-enough-to-cut all the way to dinnerly toastin' times.
it was too elite not to eat,
and throughout the morning,
i found myself cutting slice after slice.
king arthur flour talks some sh!t, too.
yeah, they do-
the bag of milled magic actually says, right in front:
'your new favorite whole grain'.
.....and they might just be right,
because sprouted whole wheat is expert as F*!
sweet, chewy, and hearty,
split 50/50 with organic white,
with high (80%) hydration,
looooong bulk fermetation,
patient cold proofing,
and careful scoring on the top-
when the bread is that bangin',
the garlic is just a crescendo in an already epic symphony.
spanning time in this kitchen,
with this crew of hard-laughing, loud-talking, overeating overheated homies
makes me want to do bigger and better things, and more often, too.
i mean,
appreciators don't go unnoticed by creators,
and a positive and proactive audience can make the performance
so much more awesome.
the fact that i've got four burners and an oven all going at once, while we're talking,
and joking, and being a happy flippin' family,
almost seems like background music.
these kids are eating whatever i throw at them,
and i'm proud of them for it.
i certainly wasn't as cool as they are when i was as young as they are.
i can't say enough times how grateful i am for the time we span together.
there's never enough of it,
but only because there's nothing better than it.
four people, one puppy, all the food-
the shopping list is simple,
it's the technique that elevates us to omega level;
never quiet, never soft.....

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