the.
actual.
mother.
F*.
is sleep?
neighbors,
crabtree kept me up allllll night.
what?
no. he wasn't sick,
huh?
nope.
he just had a long day in the crate while i had an even longer day at work,
and as a result,
he was just turbo-rowdy,
and rarin' to ruin the first whole entire night i'd set aside; resigned,
designed and assigned to hand myself over to restful slumber,
and he set about wrecking the vibe right from the start.
so,
i'm STILL tired,
and i'm STILL reeling from the aftereffects of long nights and hard styles
and anxiety attacking the edges of my attention,
attenuating the ties between idea and ability.
huh?
^^^^ummmm, it's called complaining, neighbors.
and it's good for you.
no, seriously.
that's a science thing.
ANYway,
i've got a whole other 'nother other day fo doing what i do to look forward to,
and i'm sure it'll be somethin' else-
in the meantime,
despite leading into this mini-missive dropkick of debriefed doo-doo with a lament
about the werewolfen war that's ongoing throughout this full moon season-
i'd like to talk a bit about cookies.
yup.
cookies.
cookies are expert.
that's real.
and gluten-free sh!t can be expert, too,
if you don't suck at making things gluten-free.
.......and as it just so happens, i do NOT suck at making gluten-free things.
don't believe me?
check the teleport:
WORD!!!
sometimes,
you just need cookie to make things better.
...
what even ARE they?
they're coconut chai spice jauns,
and they are, in fact, gluten-free.
how'd i make 'em?
like this:
-
1 stick vegan butts
1 cup-ish brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup unsweetened unsulphured fancy coconut flakes
creamed together,
and mixed with 6 oz applesauce
3 T chai spices-
(i used bengal spice tea, opened and dumped in)
11 turns of freshly cracked black pepper,
more ginger, cinnamon, mace, and cloves, by eye...
1/2 cup coconut flour
1 tsp-ish xantham gum
1 cup brown rice flour
1 cup white rice flour
1 tsp kapowder and 1 of soda, baking-style, for everybody.
-the usual pricedures are in place,
because rules is rules.
y'know?
golf-balls, pressed flat,
spaced evenly,
baked at 375F for 13 minutes.
how good are they?
what's the scale composed of?
i mean, they're triceratops on the dinosaur scale,
and they're olive green on the best-color-ometer.
what i's saying is: they're flippin' expert.
real talk.
hmmmm?
yea.
kapowdered sugar sprankles are what's dusty on those domes.
and yes,
that's cinnamon chai icing, exxxtra-thick,
drizzled pollock-style across the tops.
after all,
i'm NOT tryin' to be some sort of an A*-hole when i'm baking treats,
i'm shooting for more of an artistry that nourishes the ins and the outs.
yeah.
*
so,
gluten-free cookies is a thing.
heavy-lidded honey-colored eyes fading out of focus is another.
guys,
being sleepy feels like time is going slower.
normally, i think i'd like that.
however,
when it's been what feels like eight hours,
but in reality,
it's only been eight minutes?
that's an interminable extension of extreme temporal ambiguation.
ha.
you'd better believe i'll be chugging a hot black boiling vat of tar-consistency coffee.
yup.
(for those of you unaware of what a finely-calibrated performance machine i am-
even a little bit of caffeine turns up all the levels to eleven,
and redlines the outlets and exhaust ports to a full-blast blaring tuba solo
of noisy, messy, monstrous monster-truck crush-grooving)
mmhmm.
so, i'm sort of sorry about today-
.
dear friday,
you'll be getting the cranky-pants berserker fury
of a high-test feral raging stormswept savage gypsy sleepwalker,
and i'd almost be apologetic if i wasn't somewhat certain you deserve it.
yours in truth and trust,
xoxo,
-albie
.
...that's right, today.
you're the day.
just like all the others were and will be, before and after you-,
except, right now?
you're what's happening,
and that means i've gotta take out all the strain of bearing up
under the burdensome weight of all those others on YOU.
this is it,
and that's that;
never quiet, never soft.....
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