where was i yesterday?
i was busy.
it turns out,
high anxiety breeds prolific activity.
some people lay on the floor and let their anxiety attack-
i stay up allllll night, and make things, instead.
and reading, and chopping all sorts of sh!t with a knife,
while the writhing worms of doubt and uncertainty do their damnedest
to leech the hottness from the present moment, creating sour stories for the future.
what the heck does THAT even mean, you're asking?
every day has all this opportunity for expanded level-eleven greatness,
i've been letting the light of the nearly-full moon guide my
mind down impossibly dark paths and improbably deep wells,
mining the innermost layers of wonder and worry and world-weary woe.
nothing gold can stay, or so they say.
it's enjoying it when it shines that i have the hardest time with.
instead of lamenting overlong all day, i do that instead of sleeping at night,
and during the sunshine hours,
i get busy as F* getting busier than F*.
yesterday, i had dough on the counter bulking up,
and tomatoes marinating in the fridge,
and so much ovenly lovin' that i almost wished i was two people,
just so i could eat twice as much in the same amount of time.
beau came by for some world cuisine wednesday activation,
we snacked up on one helluva worthy meal.
check the friends-for-dinner-type teleport:
neighbors, slated, oiled, and roasted graffiti eggplant spears,
so, what's on that sexxxy plate?
that really realness, in several new ways-
blackened on the bottom, skins-on, and so soft they melted right into pure aether,
with the subtlest crunch before they dissolved.
with scallion and tahini and aleppo pepper sprankles,
they had ALL the good good and also the nicey-nice.
there's broth-boiled farro with grilled red onion,
covered with a fresh tomato relich that rocked our faces right off.
-garden fresh tomatoes from three separate sources,
mashed and married in olive oil, black pepper, sweet onion,
GPOP, parsley, smooshed garlic, and upgraded with toasted carawy and celery seeds.
that's some rad sh!t to have happen to your tongue.
seitan with oregano and paprika?
you bet. covered in thinly sliced onion,
and browned on both sides of that subtle, spicy, slightly smoky herb-crust!!!
that's pretty expert.
i know it is.
homemade FLAT bread!
pita wedges cut from flour/water/salt.
enough of each to make a wettish dough, and pan fry it into a circle of scoops
for that big deluxxe up top.
chick peas, scallions, cilantro, parsely, garnbanzo flour chia seeds,
spices on top of spices on top of spices, onion, garlic, gluten, lemon, oil, and love.
that's what these pan-seared circles are composed of,
and it's a goshdanged taste symphony, son.
on a bed of greenery and purpleism,
with pickles and tahini and sumac,
because i'm not about to b!tch out on the burliness of a family dinner.
plus, toasted sesame...um, excuse me, sossamon, seed sprankles!!!
dinner gets done right.
now, if only i can transcribe and translate that into something more practical for
interpersonal relations throughout the rest of the week.
i haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row for almost a week now.
it's taking a terrible toll on my constitution,
and waging a far far worse war on my thoughts and performance as a person
in every theater of conflict that i'm engaged in.
anxiety begets anxiety, kids.
i'm not a diaperbaby,
but i do have an overactive imagination,
and it seems to have taken this opportunity to work a cointelpro plot
into the seams and creases in my otherwise impervious outer chitin.
and the slow transformation to loop-de-loopy loupe-garou,
courtesy of the waxing circle in the sky,
has got me seeing in the dark,
and not exactly liking what's casting shadows and stones in my direction.
it's all really happening,
and i s'pose we all get what we deserve;
never quiet, never soft......