Tuesday, September 6


i worked on labor day.
i seem to always do that.
it's the last lively leg of summer's last stand,
and after that,
i.e. starting today,
it's all a slippery slicked-up downhill slope of slowly darkening days.
y'know what else i did, though?
that's right.
i baked up a quick batch of unmeasured magic for my mouth.
check the teleport:

do you guys like new photos?
i got a new phone,
and i've been trying to sexxx it up a baby bit more these days.
did anybody even notice?
that's cool.
it's not about the pictures (yes it is)
it's about the flavors (yeah, that too)
so let's talk about ingredients-
i had coconut four, and ground flaked coconut meal,
and coconut sugar, and coconut oil...
i figured: F* it, let's toss it all together and see what comes out.
i used a whole stick of vegan butter, plus another 'nother 3 T.
a cup of lightly toasted (i mean, not dark brown) coconut sugar
half a cup of coconut oil,
half a cup of ground flake coconut
a cup of actual coconut flour
a cup and a half of all purpose flour
a quarter cup of maple syrup
1 tsp ea. baking kapowder and soda,
1/2 tsp salt
and crossed fingers.
they were crumbly-ish,
and greasy like you'd expect from a butter cookie dough,
but they balled up, and pressed flat, and did what they were s'posed to.
i baked 'em all up at 375F for 13 minutes.
and let 'em cool completely before i iced the tops.
if you don't mix your icing extra thick,
and wait until he cookies aren't warm,
you're just gonna get glaze, not ice,
and soggy-bottomed soakbiscuit suckiness for all of your efforts.
so don't do that.
i mean, c'mon.
what are you?
an A*-hole?
the icing was just powdered sugar and soymilk, with a drippy drop or two of vanilla,
and of course,
i know that rules is rules,
and the first rule of Folk Life & Liberty Fortress cookin' is:
too much is the right amount.
that just meant i HAD to hook 'em up with some coconut sprankles.
i do the things that make the nice.
i ate a lot of cookies.
i did.
and i don't feel even one little itty-beany tiny-teeny bit bad about it either.
my little sickly stoopidhead crabtree,
for all his suicidal tendencies,
still managed to represent on a 5 mile hike through the last-ditch
van-packing vacationy final hours of long weekend morning commute crap
all through the second homes and airb'n'b buttholery of my neighborhood.
as sweaty and exhausted as i was, he wanted to run and run and run,
and maybe outrun the runs, if you get what i'm saying....
the thing is,
i think i burned through enough calories to allow for an abundant allotment
of those tasty buttery crispy crawnchers.
you know.
i'm doing the least fun tattoo there is today.
three parallel bands, in ascending sizes, around a calf.
the good news is, the client is british,
and i need some pointers on a proper midlands accent.
i've not quite got it down,
and i could use a little help.
that's called looking on the positive side, bro.
you should try it some time.
never quiet, never soft.....

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