Saturday, March 4


i love a good tart, neighbors.
that's no joke.
the crust.
the fruit.
the extra sugar.
the whole thing.
tarts are just a nice treat for your face.
and i love nice treats for my face, man.
blueberries are on the menu these days.
i guess i get into the zone,
and make too much of one thing,
which spills over into a second thing,
which inevitably uses up the overage of the first thing,
with a stockpile of a whole other 'nother second thing,
and so on and on and on.
too much is the right amount,
and that makes making MORE sort of a foregone conclusion.
i'm cool with that,
as long as it's delicious, and it's pretty.
i prefer a two-parter in that regard.
i think i did it right this time,
take a look, and tell me what you think:

c'mon, man.
 i'll be honest,
at first, i didn't think i had enough dough to make it dope.
i mean,
i kind of freestyled a new crust combination,
and fortunately, at the end,
it worked out realllllly well,
i forgot to add sugar.
i did.
i realized it the instant i took it from the fridge.
the good news?
it did NOT need it.
check it out...
1 cup flour;
1/4 tsp salt;
1 cup almond meal;
1 stick (8T) + 2T earth balance butterish;
2 T vegan creamchee';
1 tsp vanilla;
1 T lemon juice.
i used my totally awesome food processor,
which made short work of cutting the fats into the dry stuff,
and i chilledit for half the day while made other other things....., for example, the filling!
that's 12 oz of blueberries;
1/2 lemon's worth of zest;
1/3 cup powdered sugar;
vanilla and lemon extracts;
and a slurry of 1 T cornstarch/arrowroot in2 T juice,
to thicken it up and make it less bubbly and runny when baked.
make sure you save 3 T juice for the frosting though, first, buddy.
juicy frosting is SO nicey-nice.
and when you've got the juice, you're pretty flippin' expert.
add the one to the other,
and put whatever pattern you'd prefer on top.
i've been into the braids lately,
so that's what i'm on about,
and you know i gotta put hearts on my sh!t.
i LOVE treats, so it's only fitting that i show it, right?
i bake the two together for 30+ minutes at 375F,
and what i got was something altogether awesome for all that it was unexpected.
i might've hit it with a bunch of sparkle sugar sprankles,
in the hope of counteracting the sugarlessness of that crust.
i'm not sayin' i did, or that you have to,
(but i did, and you should maybe add sugar to the dough in the first place)
that crumbly dough turned out so crisp and dope,
and the bloobz were perfect!
not too sweet, not too bitter, totally thick, and firm as F*.
it still looked a little lame,
so i HAD to activate that blueberry juice-infused frosting.
3 T vegan butter;
1 1/4 cup powdered sugar;
lemon extract;
vanilla extract;
3 T blooz joosh/
whipped up, and let loose on the top of that tart,
with a sexxxy dusting of powdered sugar,
and the taken to eleven,
because too much is the right amount,
with MORE lemon zest sprankles?!!
you know it's true....
baking is better suited to mornings,
which in turn, provide better light,
which, as result, makes for far better documentation of my treats.
i'm really out hunting for a better table,
with more room, for bigger table settings,
so that i can truly enjoy my nighttime feasts a bit more.
i've got a big table with NO light,
i've got a tiny table with bright light,
and i've got a desire, duders, to make this food game a bit stronger, sooner,
so that the disparity between breakfast and dinner isn't so tremendously apparent.
i'm sayin',
my meals look like two different people made them.
i can't hang out with that.
i'll fix it, but in he meantime,
my morning magic continues to outpace my dinnertime delights.
it's a side effect of time management, i s'pose,
and until i figure out how to multiply myself,
and multitask by literally being in two places at once,
i think i'm just going to have to keep searching for a better table.
it's a temporary fix, while my temporal troubles attune themselves
to more efficient, effective excellence in execution.
that's what's happening,
and that's no small undertaking.
big things, small tables, bright lights, dark nights.
i've got my hands full,
and my mouth full,
and that's about as good as it's liable to get;
never quiet, never soft.....

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