Friday, March 10


chocolate blueberry creme pie.
what else could there be?
what else would you even need?
this is one treat that brings the loud, fresh volume so hard,
there's almost nothing left to do but eat the heck out of it.
i'm serious.
creme-style pie.
check the teleport:

so much chocolate,
so many blueberries,
such cooperation and synergy and concentrated deliciousness
working it for all it's worth to take the taste way up and over
the legally allowable allotment of hottness,
and turn it up to eleven, for an illustriously illicit level of lusciousness.
.....yeah, that's a thing.
there're four styles of bloobz featured in there, man.
make this and be delighted.
abstain and suck forever.
rules is rules.
here's the formula, friends:
the crust:
1.5 pkg graham crax;
2 handfuls quick oats;
3T sugar;
^ food processed into a rough, but small-bit crumble-
3 T melted butterish;
1 tsp vanilla;
non-dairy milk, added 1 T at a time, until the mixture resembles a slightly soft sand.
it should stick together when pressed. that's the key.
form it around the pie/tart/cake pan of your choice,
and bake it at 350F for 11 minutes.
you're a F*ing pro, bro.
nice work.
now, the filling.
in two parts:
1 pkg pressed silken tofu;
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
1/4 cup fresh bloobs;
3 T freeze-dried bloobs;
3 T bloob jam;
pureed in the professional o'cessor until smooth,
and combined with part deux:
1 pkg dark chocolate chips;
2 tsp vanilla extract;
3 T non-dairy milk
1 handful frozen bloobs-
all heated up on the hot side of low heat,
until the chocolate is a melted mess,
and the blueberries are leaching purple hazed halos from their spherical selves!
now, add part two to part one, and press ON.
when it's so so smooooooooth,
pour it into your piecrust,
and give it a shake or two to level it out.
i put some blueberries on top, too.
i mean,
a little chunkin' charge-up of fruity antioxidation is totally welcome to come
to our makeout parties, am i right?
i know.
...and the frosting?
wu-TANG, that's that two-timin' triumph stuff.
oh, c'mon, now, neighbors.
don't think for a second i could leave out the second kind of frosting.
blueberry betterthan bestcreme whipped wondrousness is dope,
but i only had a little left hanging out in the fridge.
i DID have a whole bunch of crushed blueberry-juice exxxxtra-firm icing,
which i divided and conquered with MORE vegan butter, MORE powdered sugar,
a whole mess of cocoa,
and some rough treatment under the whipping whisks of my mixer!
all the high fives and self-congratulation ensued.
because double frosting was the right call.
you knew it would be.
that's the thing, buddy:
too much is the right amount.
if you're beginning with a mindset of moderation,
you're basically trying to achieve non-exemplary status.
i don't get it.
i want allllllll the flavor.
i'm just sayin',
they are called TREATS, kiddo.
busy busy busy.
i've got work to do,
i've got moves to make,
i've got cakes to bake,
i've got actions that speak louder than words,
and words that defy all forms of silence,
i've got violence of action and dynamic tension,
i've got rapt attention and apt dissent,
this is the way the weekend works in the woodsly goodness.
you do all of it,
as hard as you can,
as often as possible,
until you pass out, or monday shows up.
keep in mind, though, guys,
i don't get weekends off, either,
so there's work to do,
and i'm gonna do it.
if you're not taking it to eleven,
you're F*ing up.
and you might want to consider F*ing off,
or else,
maybe getting a lot more expert at just being dope-
in which case,
you can stick around
but you've got to get your shoes muddy and hands dirty.
nobody stays here by faking reality in any manner whatever;
never quiet, never soft.....

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