Monday, March 13


it's a holiday .
and it's when some stuff happens.
...not for me, really.
i mean,
i'm 0% jewish,
and i'm -10% religious,
i AM 200% pro-cookie,
so, sometimes,
like now, for example,
circumstances coincide,
and a site-specific seasonally appropriate convergence occurs.
that's when you get into the zone, neighbors.
the cookie zone.
and the cookies have got to be the ones that are for the thing.
that's a thing.
and since purim is also a thing,
AND it has cookies that belong with it?
what the heck else would i even make, man?
i'm sayin'!
who do you think i am?
some sort of an A*-hole?
no way.
shoutouts to that lost hour of daylight savings,
and shoutouts to jewish feasts,
and shoutouts to everybody but your boy haman.
that dude was very uncool.
how many bad guys get cookies named after them?
that's what's up, neighbors.
triangle treats from the long lost past!
check the teleport:

almost a quarter of these little jerks took a dive in the first round.
i was just freestylin' some ingredients,
and hoping for positive results.
i'll say i got halfway there-
the flavor was amazing.
that's for real.
the integrity of the dough, however?
....not so much.
i will say there's half a blood orange's zest in there,
and the juice, too.
as well as almond meal, flour, salt, butters,
orange extract, almond extract, AND vanilla extract.
that's right.
too much is the right amount.
or in this instance, almost spot on.
there's a cup and a half of all purpose white flour,
the superfine almond meal weighed in at 1/2 cup,
and about a half a cup of raw sugar took it's turn in the mixer, too.
really, the orange almond flavor was damned good,
but a true recipe seems dumb, since the results were mixed.
sorry, guys.
here's the thing-
i had to re-pinch these lava bombs halfway through the baking time,
as the filling and the butter worked together to wilt the shapes into deformed sad circles.
boiling preserves will do you a mischief, friends.
that's no joke.
and that jammie-jammin' jam jauns was on point, up until the pastry peeled away.
these are just circles, squeezed at the corners to make triangles,
around a big scoop of that fruity goo.
and you KNOW i didn't bring a weak preserve game to the table.
no way.
rules is rules.
i had apricot, black currant, raspberry, AND strawberry,
and then,
because i'd heard of there being poppy seed hamantash,
but i didn't really want that much seediness in my sweets....
i called an audible on the fly,
and added them in,
just in a more ornamental capacity-
i spritzed the filling with poppin' poppy seed sprankles!!
that way, i get all the good ideas, but only ruined the main one.
that's just how it goes sometimes.
of course,
the pinchy hot oven midpoint repair work did he trick for the ones you see pictures.
it wasn't a total loss.
i would've like more of a complete victory,
but i saved far more than half of them, so i'll take it for  what it's worth,
which is about 75% of the projected outcome.
i don't want to jinx anything,
i am going to tentatively report that the F*ing bastard wind
seems to have abated!
it's still frustratingly cold, especially for mid march,
but without the big bad huffing and puffing,
the lunar swell-up, the frigid depths of these record low-lows,
and the wolfen call of the wild are all so much more bearable.
wind is not invited, man.
not ever.
our walk will be so much better without those blasts and barrages of angry air.
we'll have to hurry though.
the time travel has upset the delicate calibration of my light-sensitive internal clock.
 and there's so much work to be done,
and there's so many tattoos to do,
and in-between the chores and the bores and the dog-tending-
i've still been obsessing about italian food,
i swear my sauce-count is so high that my blood
is almost half marinara at this point.
that's a thing.
not much longer now,
and i can activate something totally different.
i could stop today if i wanted to.
(that's what they all say)
but that's not the goal i set for myself,
and if i say i'm doing two hard weeks of italy in my mouth,
then i'll be damned if it isn't fourteen times that i turn up a pot of sauce.
and also, you gotta remember pi(e) day.
that's tomorrow.
don't forget.
and don't play the wall, either.
make a pie, bake a pie....
and this is a great big YES:
we'd all LOVE some pie;
never quiet, never soft.....

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