Thursday, March 30


here's the lineup:
one layer brownie-style fudgy chocolate cake!
coffee-infused dark chocolate ganache!!
espresso icing drizzles!!!
coffee frosting, with ground bean sprankles!!!!
that's how it gets done.
when the need for something especially expert arises,
there's nothing quite like a mocha munch-up in your mouth
to really turn up the flavor quotient of the treats game in these parts
all the way off the charts, past a perfect ten, to eleven.
that's real.
this brown on brown on brown bomber does the trick,
and makes it look easy, too.
i've been allllll about the single layer cakes lately.
i s'pose it's because i want to make a LOT of cake,
but i also hate wasting cake.
besides, there's only so much cake i can personally eat,
...and while it's an impressive quantity,
i'm unwilling to consume a cake a day.
real talk-
i'm quite sure i have previously mentioned that i spend most of my time alone.
i have grave doubts that a cake-a-day diet
would improve my time-spanning capabilities on almost any level whatsoever.
so, one layer cakes get eaten the fastest, and allow for the most cake-makery
within the time frame and schedule of an always-shift every-day
wide-awake work-work-worker of wonders and .
that's no joke.
plus, it saves a whole lot of frosting,
which in turn preserves a whole lot of molars and waistlines.
indirectly, you're all very welcome.
i made the chocolatiest cake.
like, almost a fudge, except for the sponginess.
and it is DELICIOUS.
on it's own, it could've satisfied the most discriminating of chocolate fanatics.
for realsies.
and with all that coffee sorcery sauce'n'frost?
the hottness is here, and it's come to rock the party.
check the teleport:

it's rich.
it's thick.
it's decadent and luxurious.
and i have it right here in front of me.
perhaps i was a bit hasty in saying i won't eat a whole cake.
maybe i just won't eat a whole cake every day.
you know you want some.
i open-handed the measurements,
but i think we can use our brains and approximate the magic
for your personal recreation of the recipe for recreational use.
preheat the oven to 350F.
in a large bowl, or better, a stand mixer,
1/2 cup brown sugar;
1/2 cup sugar;
1 stick vegan butter;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
once creamed, whisk in, fast and hard,
3/4 cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt;
1/3 cup cocoa;
1/3 cup tapioca;
1/4 cup melted dark chocolate, thinned with 2 T non-dairy milk.
when that's a whirlwinded muddy mess,
2 1/4 cups flour;
2 tsp baking powpow;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 cup non-dairy milk.
whisk until fluffyish, or at least well-aerated,
and pour into a greased and floured 9' springform,
or whatever it is you'd rather see it shaped like,
and bake it for 40+ minutes, or until the center won't sink.
that's a real concern with vegan non-egg-albumen proteins,
in deep dish scenarios.
the one catch to single layering is center-suck prevention.
just keep an eye on it, and you'll be fine.
i believe in you.\take it out, cool it off, smack it up, flip it,.
and let it be for a bit, while you create all the topping parts, neighbors.
then, and only then, will we rub it down.
snazzy dark doo-doo butter sans the doo-doo and the butter!!
make some:
it's just 1/3 cup melted chocolate chips, with 3 T powdered sugar,
3 T 'milk', vanilla, pure coffee extract,
and a handful of instant coffee for added ZING!
spread it and let it cool,
the espresso icing?
it's powdered sugar, vanilla, and strong espresso,
combined to make a squeezably wet but thick paste.
i used a sandwich bag, with one corner barely snipped away to spread it around.
i make do where i can, man.
....and that coffee sauce is so tasty, the application is almost irrelevant.
use a spoon.
use a nozzle.
use a hose.
i don't care.
but, use it.
it's delicious, and it's necessary to activate all the flavor.
and speaking of all the flavor:
too much is the right amount.
we've gotta hook up some frosting, too, dudes.
a cup and a half? of powdered sugar;
4 T vegan butter;
coffee extract;
vanilla extract;
instant coffee brewed in >1/4 cup soymilk;
crushed espresso bean sprankles.
.......whipped up with that wiry whisk of wizardry,
and squeezed easily on top of all that other cakey greatness!!!!!!!
that's molto expert-level lusciousness, ladies and gents.
don't waste time on sub-par cakes.
anybody can add oil or (even grosser) an egg to some bargain-basement,
budget, bottom-shelf box mix,
you wanna know something true and important?
box mix is for jerks.
that's no joke,
and rules is rules around here,
which means that active participation is mandatory, lest you be asked to leave.
long nights and early mornings.
full days, empty beds, and a busy busy stovetop.
it's all really happening.
i don't know where the time goes,
but it escapes at an alarming rate.
even the good things aren't really so good that they make anything easier.
i've got bread in the oven,
and homemade sourdough bread is great.
that's a thing.
i'm just waiting for that to finish it's baking cycle,
so i can go crush an uphill battle with my boy-o, crabtree...
and after that, it's back to the big action of a brutal back-and-forth,
from analysis of my ego and my id,
to tattblasting on some totally regular ideas,
to racing home again to fill my pit with tasty sh!t,
and maybe plan for the future, whenever i can grab a moment
in between bouts of dog-chasing responsible pet-ownership.
there is way more to do than i'm interested in.
that's the numero uno obstacle.
what i have to do is EVERYthing,
but what i want to do is much less diverse, no matter how much more intense...
and yeah, man-
i guess griping won't get it over with any faster.
it's just that it feels SO much better to let it out.
...the bread has five minutes left.
i'm gearing up to feel the sun, and the cold, on my old busted face,
while we hike through the 'hood with sh!ts and exhaustion as our only objectives.
it's ALL really happening.
not nearly as much is getting accomplished as i'd like.
whats the cure for that?
oh, ok. that's cool;
never quiet, never soft.....

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