Friday, March 17


blueberries have got a whole holy heck of a lot of goodness in them.
we've discussed this.
it's science, and nutrition, and taste,
all cooperating inside those blue-skinned, purple-staining, spherical bombs
of health and good fortune....
so, how can we harness that hottness,
and somehow also make it an activated fancy-pantsy bakery treat?
that's easy.
y'us gotta put the chocolate to it.
that's real, guys.
a little chocolate is just what a serious set of bloobs wants to hang out with.
i mean it.
and when it's cake time,
but it's also blueberry time,
and it's chocolate o'clock on the sundial, too?
we've got to do what needs doing, dudes,
and we're gonna do just that...
blueberry muffins made into a big ol' cake,
packed with regular wild bloobs,
chocolate-F*ing-covered candy bloobs,
and enhanced with MORE chocolate and MORE  bloobs????
maybe just check the teleport:

you guys want a little free 'n' friendly advice from your uncle albie?
here it is:
if you have to have cake in your life,
let it be some sexxxy cake.
every aspect of that sort of makery-bakery decision
will improve your whole entire situation.
are you tired, unhappy, stressed, dumb, lazy, or whatever?
it's probably because you're eating substandard cakes.
i'm pretty sure that's a proven thing.
you want a better life, bro?
maybe you should start choosing sexxxier cake.
i'm not the boss of you, buddy-
i'm just sayin',
the cake thing is a good start towards elevated life goals.
oh man!
good cake is it's own reward,
but i gotta tell you-
i love a good crumbly, soft, thick cake.
anything that's got that muffiny texture is an A+,
and all it takes to deepen the density,
and maximize the moisture is NOT whisking and whipping it,
just mixing and stirring, instead.
i can do that.
....and i did.
if that's something you think you'd like to do,
here's the step-by-step how-to,
so you can concoct your very own whenever you're ready.
(i think you're ready)
1 cup brown sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 stick (8T) vegan butters;
1 tsp vanilla;
^ creamed together, just like almost everything we ever make,
and combined with
3/4 cup non-dairy yogurt (blueberry would be awesome in this instance);
2 1/2 cups flour;
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
2 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1 cup wild frozen bloobs, defrosted, with their juice collected;
i reserved 1/4 cup of blueberry juice,
extracted over low heat from formerly frozen,
forcibly thawed berries.
6 oz dark chocolate covered bloobs;
1/4 cup chocolate chips (i didn't put those in mine, but i should've);
1 cup non-dairy milk...
stir it all up,
and spread it in a greased and floured cake pan.
i used a big 10" round jaun,
and it make an awesome flat muffinesque tableau for my eyes to devour
before i ever even decorated it.
but first,
we bake it-
360F for 40 or so minutes, until it's all set-up and won't sink in the center,
and then we let it cool, while we play it cool,
and maybe prepare some stuff for ourselves......
i put that powdered sugary snow dust all over the top,
and i a whole bunch of that drizzled that expressionist icing,
made from vanilla, blueberry juice, and powdered sugar,
chocolate blueberry frosting swirls completed the look.
that's mashed and strained bloobs,
with butter, and blueberry juice,
and powdered sugar and cocoa and soymilk.
again, i should probably measure these things.....
but i don't.
here's what i know in regards to general measurements:
too much is the right amount.
go make a sexxy cake, and get that new life of yours started today;
never quiet, never soft.....

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