Thursday, March 2


holy crap.
i did it again.
one of the larger pains in the A* that i get myself into;
the sort that i only really eff with once a year, maybe.
y'gotta get into the big action,
even if you're all by yourself.
even if there's nothing for it but to just climb right in there.
y'know what takes a lot of time,
but is totally worth every second?
oh, MAN!
the whole morning was eaten up by kneading and waiting,
and cutting and waiting,
and frying and waiting,
and glazing and decorating and then,
just when all the time had been taken up-
it was the correct moment to start eating.
eating what?
i'll tell you what:
eating tasty yeast-raised homemade from-scratch mother-F*ing DONUTS.
check the flippin' teleport:

and it's a damned good thing they're so dope,
because they really take up half a damned day.
then again,
they go down SO smooth, the wait is forgotten until they're all gone.
they go quick, though, bro-
that's no joke.
i instantly tuned up a dozen-
including both braids, both crullers,
and alllll the little holes,
and still had room to get after a couple more.
all told, i ate almost all of them,
and i made two dozen rings,
4 fat beignette-style jammers,
and all the rest of those jauns, too.
too much is the right amount!
you wanna make some?
but, clear your schedule, we're gonna be here for a minute-
expert donuts!
3 cups flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 pkg (2 1/2 tsp) instant yeast;
1/4 cup sugar;
dash of nutmeg.
1 cup warmish non-dairy milk;
1 tsp vanilla;
2 T melted vegan butterish.
3 T hot water;
1 T egg replacer;
2 tsp bread machine yeast;
mix the egg replacer and the yeast and allow to bloom,
add the milk and the butter to the dry ingredients,
then the eggless/yeasty goo, too.
knead it in a stand mixer if you're a true player,
(or by hand if you want rubbish donuts)
for like six-eight minutes.
fold it up by hand, grease it, and cover that dough,
so it can rise for, no sh!t, 2 hours.
punch it down,
and on a lightly floured surface,
roll it to about 1/4" thickness,
and start cutting yourself some 'nuts.
i used a 3" circle, and a little cookie cutter to punch the centers out..
get all the shapes you want,
i sprayed mine with non-stick sauce, covered them in plastic,
and let 'em rise up a whole other 'nother other hour.
i glugged out a vat of veggie oil,
about 1 1/2 " deep, in a big ol' tall-walled pan,
and lit it up on medium high-heat until it was HOT.
your donut flippin' skills have to be on point,
because you can see them getting golden.
and y'all have to flip that script before they turn doo-doo brown.
they shouldn't really need more than a minute,.
which, when doing no more than 4 at a time,
seems to take FORever....
once they're cool, but not cold,
you can sexxx the tops up however you want.
i used vanilla-agave-powdered sugar icing on some;
i had powdered blueberry and strawberry
+pow-pow +lemon juice +vanilla glazes;
melted chocolate chip hottness on others,
classic powdered sugar on the rest,
with stripes and sprankles everywhere in between.
the wait to eat them was so long in the making,
i dug in with total disregard like a starved savage,
and had half a dozen down the hatch before my better senses chimed in...
i didn't even take any extra pictures,
although they sure warranted some.
i was too busy getting ganrly on some gluttonous goodness.
march, man.
it's here.
i welcomed it with donuts.
there are worse lions to try to tame,
like this weather.
right on cue,
gusting busted blasts of total suck are here.
it's crazily windy,
and while this airy mountainous lion is attacking the land,
i'm about ready to head out and go on the lam.
in the meantime,
there's still one last donut,
at least for as long as it takes me to type the tagline;
never quiet, never soft......

No comments: