Friday, November 11


black rice matters, dudes.
i'm serious.
whatever japanese long grain sassy grassy seeds they used
to make regular ramen 100% darker was definitely a good idea.
i mean,
they could've used squidbutt juicy-juice.....
but they didn't.
and that's good news for people who love going black,
but not from the back end of a cephalopod.
...and that'd be me, guys.
when i found the blackest of black, i took it back to beginning,
and freaked it all off in an epic noodoo bowl.
i doo-doo that noodoo sh!t,
and this time, i got especially excited about the ingredients!
check the black-betty-bam-a-lama-ding-dong-type teleport:

c'mon, neighbors-
that's the BIG action, right?
there's a lot going on in there,
and all of it tastes amazing, which is fortunate for me,
since i'm the only one who had any.
it's cool,
because there wasn't even one lonesome slippery nood' left over
for anyone else to slurp up anyway.
i started with carrots, 1/4 cup of 3/8" discs,
and celery one stalk's worth, sliced in roughly the same thickness,
plus half an onion, diced,
and two cloves of crushed garlic,
in a cup of seitan broth,
upgraded with 2 T rice wine vinegar
and 1 T soy sauce
i also added torn basil leaves at the end, and that was a good idea.
at least, it tasted really smart.
i poured that over the already ready black ramen,
which, by the way, i found at t.j.maxxxxxxx.
white people love weird food,
but savvy shoppers discover that sh!t
out in the 'chopped'-style pantry in the back of the maxx.
that's no joke.
i hit the spot up regularly,
for all those sexxxy linens and plates i use in my pictures
and also for all the scented candles activating the ambient aromas
in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
and also for my pants,
and also also,
for all the strange and wonderful bits and bobs
that bulk up my cupboard and complete the look of my exotic kitchen spice collection.
i'm being for real right now, man.
but, back to that bowlful of joy-
the ramen and broth were in place, with tthe warm wet veg that you expected-
and that's when i turned it up.
we got your steamed and seared big broccoli florets right here.
we got the sesame-oil and soy-glazed PURPLE brussels sprouts.
they taste the same, but they got that purple stuff poppin' in the leaves, pal.
there's sesame-oil-basted oven-roasted rings of delicata squash,
raw red onion was a nice touch,
as were the scallion and cilantro sprankles,
it was the microgreens of kale and kohlrabi that cold-crushed the previos hottness,
and killed it on the finale.
infant plants have the most nutrients, and i pulled an ol' king herod,
and ko'd all those baby brassicas right into my belly.
i'm creeping death, mutha-effers, but, only if you're a sprout.
(metallica and the bible in one leafy green description? expert?)
was that it?
i had a double-encore, broskis!!!!
i'm just saying, the only thing that could take
an amazingly awesome bowl of goodness
and bring it straightaway into the brighter tomorrows of the future?
kumquats. which is always a giggle's worth of say-it-out-loudness.
little zinging tangy mini oranges.
you don;t know squat about 'quats?
you eat 'em.
rinds and pith and all,
right own the hatch.
and they are dope.
and noodoo bowl is dope.
and black ramen?
you guessed it: dope.
it sure feels good to be a vegan nerdario sometimes.
there's hard styles,
and then there's hard styles.
the scars that make enunciating scandalous, slatternly syllables
a whole unholy helluva lot more difficult than my previously
pursed and percussive concussive forceful linguistic lips could conjure at velocity?
that's a hard style.
getting my voice back, and as a reward, sounding twice as bad
and also only a quarter as eloquently awful?
that's a harder one.
i've got something to say, usually,
and i've been eschewing oration in favor of expressive features for a few weeks now.
i can't tell if being ugly means i'm always mean-muggin',
or if i've actually only got hard feelings for the whole entire month of NOvember,
it's likely to be a bit of both,
but it's definitely all really happening,
and i s'pose a hard style is better than a soft spot for suckiness.
in that case,
i'll take what i can where i can get it;
never quiet, never soft.....

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